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Choosing a headstone – advice and inspiration

 

Stone carver Fergus Wessel and his wife Hannah from Stoneletters have just published a beautiful new book called Headstones – Advice and Inspiration

The book is being sold to raise money for Maggie’s Centre, Oxford, and, in our opinion, it should be on the bookshelves of every funeral director in the country to lend to their clients. Choosing a headstone can be a difficult prospect, so hearing reassuring advice from experts written in plain English and being able to leaf through photographs for inspiration is something that many bereaved families will hugely appreciate.

Priced at just £12.99, or available as a downloadable PDF for £5.99, the book is full of images of different styles and inscriptions. The various materials used for headstones are described, and advice and guidance is clearly explained.

There are also helpful suggestions for epitaphs and personal stories from Stoneletters’ clients about their experience of deciding on a headstone. These personal comments are both touching and profound – here’s an example from Victoria Bennett’s words about her mother Maureen’s headstone; ‘Long after we have gone, long after the lichen has made the stone its own, I want a person passing to look and see some small letter, a faint echo of a flower and think, “There is a beautiful stone,” and feel uplifted.‘ 

The idea for the book came about after Hannah’s mother died from cancer two years ago.  Fergus and Hannah wanted to write a book to sell in order to raise funds for Maggie’s. As Hannah explains:

The process of choosing a headstone is often overlooked by the Funeral industry although we believe it can be an incredibly important part of the grieving journey.

Most of us find ourselves in the position of having to choose a headstone at some point in our lives. It can feel overwhelmingly daunting, but far from being stressful, creating a lasting memorial can be a healing process, leading to a deep sense of peace.

In this comprehensive guide, Fergus takes you on a step by step journey to commemorate your loved one, offering advice on all aspects of crafting a headstone, from finding the perfect words to selecting the best material. With over 150 photographs, epitaphs, and client stories, it is also a rich source of ideas and inspiration.

All proceeds from the sale of this book will go to Maggie’s and we hope to raise £12,000.

Visit stoneletters.com/book to purchase a copy and help us reach this target.”

About Maggie’s

Built in the grounds of NHS cancer hospitals, Maggie’s centres are uplifting places with professional staff on hand to offer the support people suffering from cancer need: practical advice about the benefits of eating well; emotional support from qualified experts; a friendly place to meet other people; a calming space to simply sit and have a cup of tea. For more information visit: maggies.org

No grave concerns

A funeral may need organising at a moment’s notice. But how much notice do you think is advisable, or reasonable, for renovating and repair a gravestone? And what should the relevant institution do to accommodate health and safety concerns, if you don’t take action fast enough?

Many churchyards monuments are, by anyone’s measure, on the unsafe side of upright. Land settles; time passes; some might say it’s the higgledy-piggledy appearance of headstone in an expanse of church ground that actually provides quintessential Britishness to our countryside.

For the most part, ‘caveat visitor’ is the adopted position of the Church. Being aware of surroundings and taking care to avoid situations of peril seems like common sense. However, we have seen at least one death reported this century in Glasgow as a consequence of young children playing, unsupervised, among unsteady headstones.

Now, in Kilsyth, notifiable family members are being served 21 days’ notice when headstones in Kilsyth Cemetery are deemed to be ‘unsafe’.

Not surprisingly, the health and safety measures being implemented in the interim are causing as much concern as the need for remedial action: plastic orange hazard barriers are always an eysore. It is debatable, as to whether or not they provide enough deterrent for the people who would be most at risk.

This is a balancing act. For the Church; the local authorities – in this case, North Lanarkshire Council – insisting on regular risk assessments; heritage and preservation societies; and the families themselves. What’s not being reported in such large typeface, are the steps then being taken to remedy these situations.

The notices make this clear: “It may be necessary to lay this stone flat or trench (set lower part of memorial place into the ground) or support it to prevent injury or damage”. Or in other words, if the family does not come forward with contractors who’ve been commissioned to take remedial action, then the headstones will be laid flat on the ground instead. Like so many others.

In actual fact, stories like these hide the facts rather well: the local authorities are taking appropriate action, which reflects what’s happened for hundreds of years. Whether anyone’s given 21 days’ notice or not, when a headstone falls over, it falls over and usually stays on the ground.