Tell them where to go

Charles Cowling

Fairways

 

The number of funerals the average person is called upon to arrange in the course of a lifetime is just 2. (Mummy & Daddy)

For some, though, Reaper G’s scythe lays waste to vast swathes of their nearest and dearest. For these unlucky souls, arranging and attending funerals can be pretty much a full time job.

The writer of the testimonial above is a heartbreaking example. She (she reads like a she, doesn’t she?) has arranged funerals all over Britain for her brothers, of whom she seems to have an inexhaustible supply.

She knows what she’s doing by now, so she uses the excellent website mylocalfuneraldirector.co.uk, a comprehensive source of advice and guidance that, frankly, makes the GFG look like the scribblings of an idiot. “Our funeral home finder tool,” they say, “only lists high quality, trained and experienced funeral directors.” 

Our serially-bereaved testimonial writer has used WM Gilchrist in Aberdeen. And McKenzie and Millar in Edinburgh. She’s used A & E Leese in Stoke-on-Trent. And John Fairest in Sheffield. Her brother in London was laid to rest by the excellent Francis & C Walters. He brother in Brockenhurst was taken into care by R Hallum. And that’s not the end, not by any means.

Thank goodness mylocalfuneraldirector is there for her for when the next bro takes his final breath.

(Hat-tip to DM)

15 thoughts on “Tell them where to go

  1. Charles Cowling
    David Holmes

    A simple mishtake I’m shure?

    This poor much bereaved woman, really does have my sympathy. Attending so many wakes clearly left her a little.. DRUNK!


    Charles Cowling
  2. Charles Cowling
    Vale

    Does mylocalfuneraldirector have a Wikipedia page? Can we go and edit it? I


    Charles Cowling
  3. Charles Cowling
    Lucy

    How strange!
    I take great pride of all of my reviews on Funeral Advisor because they are all written by actual clients.
    It still amazes me they take time out of their day to write one for me.
    I would be absolutely gutted to know that someone I haven’t worked for made up a review of my company…even if it was a good review.
    I would know I haven’t worked for them and to me, it is just another level of dishonesty. If you make up a good review, what else to do make up or lie about?
    If you really are a good funeral director and you have done a good job, people will be more than willing to write an honest review if you ask them to.


    Charles Cowling
  4. Charles Cowling
    andrew plume

    Dear Charles (and everyone else)

    this ‘cosy lovely little website’ depicts nothing other than those businesses trading under the umbrella of Fairways (sic) Partnership, who are of course a wholly owned subsidiary of Co-operative Funeralcare

    Funeralcare have two main sites, just to confuse punters, purple/lilac for the pukka branded ‘F’care shops’ and green for the ‘Fairways’ lot

    it looks as those at Co-op Towers have again invested yet more cash in revamping their internet appearance plus of course their consistent sense of being ever so well pleased with themselves

    best

    andrew


    Charles Cowling
    1. Charles Cowling
      Jonathan

      Soon there’ll be no other op-
      tion but to go with Co-op;
      and all deaths will be the prop-
      erty of the purple shop-
      s.


      Charles Cowling
      1. Charles Cowling
        andrew plume

        ………….oh no

        let us all hope not

        andrew


        Charles Cowling
  5. Charles Cowling
    Charles

    I shall, er, Lodge an application.


    Charles Cowling
  6. Charles Cowling
    Andrew Hickson (Kingfisher Funerals)

    Could you do the same for “The family you can turn to?”


    Charles Cowling
  7. Charles Cowling
    Charles

    One and the same, I think we must suppose, Andrew. He/she is of course local in the strict sense of being where s/he presently is (in his/her locality). Frantic stringpulling by the Puppeteer General but too late, I fear, the horse having bolted.


    Charles Cowling
    1. Charles Cowling
      gloria mundi

      Oh, sterling work, Charles!


      Charles Cowling
  8. Charles Cowling
    Andrew Hickson (Kingfisher Funerals)

    Is it the same local funeral director changing the testimonials so quickly?


    Charles Cowling
  9. Charles Cowling
    Charles Cowling

    16.41 – Testimonials changing all over the place or simply being taken down.


    Charles Cowling
  10. Charles Cowling
    Charles Cowling

    Oh, is that what local means in this context, GM? And there was I thinking, in my embittered and suspicious way, something, um, else (don’t want to overexcite any libel lawyers).

    Perhaps I haven’t expressed enough sympathy for this good lady. I haven’t checked, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see that she has written exactly the same thank-you letter to every single undertaker listed on mylf.

    I’ve just done a cursory check and discovered that all the testimonials have changed!


    Charles Cowling
  11. Charles Cowling
    gloria mundi

    Charles, I think you should show some sympathy for the poor woman on the web pages to which you have linked; she obviously must be driving round the country like a…a… driven person, her apparently being local to Aberdeen,Stoke, Brockenhurst…….do you suppose she rents homes in each of the places local to her, or buys dwellings, or myabe just kips in a bus shelter?

    Because that is what “local” means, no? Living and working nearbye….

    Poor thing!


    Charles Cowling

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