Tell them where to go

Charles Cowling

Fairways

 

The number of funerals the average person is called upon to arrange in the course of a lifetime is just 2. (Mummy & Daddy)

For some, though, Reaper G’s scythe lays waste to vast swathes of their nearest and dearest. For these unlucky souls, arranging and attending funerals can be pretty much a full time job.

The writer of the testimonial above is a heartbreaking example. She (she reads like a she, doesn’t she?) has arranged funerals all over Britain for her brothers, of whom she seems to have an inexhaustible supply.

She knows what she’s doing by now, so she uses the excellent website mylocalfuneraldirector.co.uk, a comprehensive source of advice and guidance that, frankly, makes the GFG look like the scribblings of an idiot. “Our funeral home finder tool,” they say, “only lists high quality, trained and experienced funeral directors.” 

Our serially-bereaved testimonial writer has used WM Gilchrist in Aberdeen. And McKenzie and Millar in Edinburgh. She’s used A & E Leese in Stoke-on-Trent. And John Fairest in Sheffield. Her brother in London was laid to rest by the excellent Francis & C Walters. He brother in Brockenhurst was taken into care by R Hallum. And that’s not the end, not by any means.

Thank goodness mylocalfuneraldirector is there for her for when the next bro takes his final breath.

(Hat-tip to DM)

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David Holmes
Guest

A simple mishtake I’m shure?

This poor much bereaved woman, really does have my sympathy. Attending so many wakes clearly left her a little.. DRUNK!

Vale
Guest
Vale

Does mylocalfuneraldirector have a Wikipedia page? Can we go and edit it? I

Lucy
Guest

How strange! I take great pride of all of my reviews on Funeral Advisor because they are all written by actual clients. It still amazes me they take time out of their day to write one for me. I would be absolutely gutted to know that someone I haven’t worked for made up a review of my company…even if it was a good review. I would know I haven’t worked for them and to me, it is just another level of dishonesty. If you make up a good review, what else to do make up or lie about? If you… Read more »

andrew plume
Guest
andrew plume

Dear Charles (and everyone else)

this ‘cosy lovely little website’ depicts nothing other than those businesses trading under the umbrella of Fairways (sic) Partnership, who are of course a wholly owned subsidiary of Co-operative Funeralcare

Funeralcare have two main sites, just to confuse punters, purple/lilac for the pukka branded ‘F’care shops’ and green for the ‘Fairways’ lot

it looks as those at Co-op Towers have again invested yet more cash in revamping their internet appearance plus of course their consistent sense of being ever so well pleased with themselves

best

andrew

Jonathan
Guest
Jonathan

Soon there’ll be no other op-
tion but to go with Co-op;
and all deaths will be the prop-
erty of the purple shop-
s.

andrew plume
Guest
andrew plume

………….oh no

let us all hope not

andrew

Jon Underwood
Guest

Fantastic stuff! <3

Charles
Guest

I shall, er, Lodge an application.

Andrew Hickson (Kingfisher Funerals)
Guest

Could you do the same for “The family you can turn to?”

Charles
Guest

One and the same, I think we must suppose, Andrew. He/she is of course local in the strict sense of being where s/he presently is (in his/her locality). Frantic stringpulling by the Puppeteer General but too late, I fear, the horse having bolted.

gloria mundi
Guest

Oh, sterling work, Charles!

Andrew Hickson (Kingfisher Funerals)
Guest

Is it the same local funeral director changing the testimonials so quickly?

gloria mundi
Guest

Charles, I think you should show some sympathy for the poor woman on the web pages to which you have linked; she obviously must be driving round the country like a…a… driven person, her apparently being local to Aberdeen,Stoke, Brockenhurst…….do you suppose she rents homes in each of the places local to her, or buys dwellings, or myabe just kips in a bus shelter?

Because that is what “local” means, no? Living and working nearbye….

Poor thing!