3 October 2013 – The Good Funeral Guide

What the…

An undertaker passed on to us the email below. Anybody know anything about Liviana? It’s difficult to believe that any outfit marketing itself in such sub-literate terms could achieve any sort of credibility. The netherworld of pre-pay funeral plans just got murkier.

Dear Sirs , Just a quick introduction email from me today. Allow me to introduce Liviana an our Pre-paid funeral plans! If you are already acting as an agent or have not yet been approached by other providers, please let me explain why you are better off recommending Liviana.

Firstly, we offer a commission of 40% of the profit and operation fund which is equivalent to approx 16% of the total sale value of the plan! Our trust fund is the strongest and most secure in the industry and is managed by Morgan Stanley and right now we can provide the most affordable plan available in the UK which is offset against the most expensive! This pricing structure is unique within the industry, with a large variant between our basic and our most inclusive plans! Will writing companies and funeral directors have the greatest success rate when it comes to selling pre-paid plans and many companies actually consider the plans as the most valuable part of their business! We see ourselves as THE market leader within 3 years. Along with the co-op we are the only company that operates with a 3 tier security net for its clients which we believe is necessary for any self regulating industry. With public interest in mind we urge our competitors to do the same! Our website is still under construction and our launch date is October 30th this year. We also have over 50 plans underwritten by Axa and Sunlife, which offer high commissions. For more information, a copy of our brochure or to arrange an informal meeting please reply to this email or contact us on the number below.

Regards,

William Anderson
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Liviana UK
19 Heddon Street
Mayfair
London , W1B
Contact Us: 0207 1833193
info@livianafuneralplans.com
william@livianafuneralplans.com
www.livianafuneralplans.com

Who is mimicking who?

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

Two seasonal events coming up: the Nine Lessons and Carols is a traditional Christmas Eve ceremony, the most famous and widely broadcast being the service from King’s College, Cambridge; and Nine Lessons and Carols for Godless People, is showing for 10 nights in December at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre. A rationalist celebration of Yuletide, this year’s line-up promises music by Jonny & The Baptists (pictured) and stand-up comedy by Alexei Sayle.

Of course, members of the British Humanist Association, a non-prophet organisation, might enjoy the former, just as Christians might enjoy the latter. You don’t need to believe in angels to sing along to Robbie Williams’s Angels. And a bit of incredulous mockery doesn’t do the faithful any harm.

Though from an era of more restrained comedy, I’ve LOL’d at Dave Allen’s religious gags. Attending a funeral as a child, he recalls thinking the priest was saying: ‘In the name of the father and of the Son and into the hole he goes’.

There are a few gentle jokes about non-believers, too. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with an atheist? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

The there’s the one about a priest and rational sceptic both up for the guillotine. Asked for his final words, the priest says: ‘I believe in God who will rescue me in my hour of need’. The executioner then pulls the cord, but the blade of the ominous contraption of death suddenly stops just short of his neck. ‘A miracle,’ gasps the crowd, and the executioner lets him go free.

Next, the rationalist is asked for his final words. He doesn’t hear the question as he’s staring intently at the guillotine. The executioner asks again to which the rationalist finally replies: ’Oh, I see your problem. You’ve got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there.’

Now to the more serious question of who is copying who at funerals, the subject for which the Nine Lessons and Carols events were a mere prelude:

Are secular funerals still too closely following the ceremonial rituals and traditions of religion? Or is the trend among religious funerals towards emphasis on eulogy and celebration of life in fact aping secularism? Are they merging into one and, if so, should they define themselves more clearly?