Thoughts of a funeral-goer

Charles 3 Comments


Posted by Lyra Mollington


I’ve been rumbled. 

My grandson let it slip that I’m writing for the Good Funeral Guide.  My sister Myra has just phoned me – and she seems to have forgotten that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.  

M:       Congratulations on your new hobby.  What on earth possessed you to write about funerals? 

L:         Well, I’ll be 75 this year and I do seem to be going to rather a lot of them.  What is it they say?  ‘The only two certainties in life are death and taxes.’  Everyone knows that there’s always a bit of wriggle room when it comes to taxation, but when… 

M:       I was overjoyed to read about our mother. 

L:         Quite a few people commented – it got them thinking. 

M:       And judging.  Truth is in the eye of the beholder – what happened to my version of the facts? 

L:         Ah!  ‘Is there anything more closely connected with wisdom than truth?’ 

M:       You can still tell the truth – just miss out certain things.

L:         I missed out quite a lot as well you know.  But kept enough in to express what was really important. 

M:       Which was? 

L:         That our mother was never boring. 

M:       And well done for getting buy cialis online with paypal Mogadon, Mein Kampf and digestive biscuits in the same sentence.  Genius! 

L:         Well…not quite the same sentence.  There’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of.  And I did change our names. 

M:       Not all of them.  Not yours or Sammy’s. 

L:         I changed yours. 

M:       Yes, thank you for giving me the name of the most notorious female murderer of the 20th Century. 

L:         Oh… 

M:       And when did that lovely actress Joan Hickson have anything to do with funerals? 

L:         Apart from investigating murders you mean? 

M:       She was playing a role. 

L:         So am I.  And like Miss Marple, I’m not afraid of dead bodies.  

M:       Mollington – Amateur Detective for Funerals?  So you’re going to carry on with this nonsense then? 

L:         Oh yes!  In fact first thing on Monday I’m being given a guided tour behind the scenes at our crematorium.  Apparently, they’ve been reading the GFG so they couldn’t wait to have me.  I’m going to take them some cupcakes… 

M:       So nothing I can say is going to stop you? 

L:         Looking round the crematorium or taking cupcakes? 

M:       No!  Writing your silly articles. 

L:         I’m afraid not Mary.  Writing about death has given me a new lease of life.



  1. Charles

    Ooo err if Myra is Mary does that make Lyra lairy?
    Intrigue upon intrigue!
    I, for one, can’t wait for Fridays.
    Please, please don’t stop Lyra.

  2. Charles

    Dear Lyra,
    I too am excited to see your face on the GFG blog. Please carry on for as long as you can hold a pen, and then dictate to someone reliable with your increasingly robust perspective until you find something more interesting to amuse your good self.
    Meanwhile, I would welcome your thoughts as to whether there is such a thing as a ‘good’ funeral, and what makes it so.
    Yours, warmly, as ever, James.

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