Thoughts of a funeral-goer

Charles Cowling

 

Posted by Lyra Mollington

 

I’ve been rumbled. 

My grandson let it slip that I’m writing for the Good Funeral Guide.  My sister Myra has just phoned me – and she seems to have forgotten that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.  

M:       Congratulations on your new hobby.  What on earth possessed you to write about funerals? 

L:         Well, I’ll be 75 this year and I do seem to be going to rather a lot of them.  What is it they say?  ‘The only two certainties in life are death and taxes.’  Everyone knows that there’s always a bit of wriggle room when it comes to taxation, but when… 

M:       I was overjoyed to read about our mother. 

L:         Quite a few people commented – it got them thinking. 

M:       And judging.  Truth is in the eye of the beholder – what happened to my version of the facts? 

L:         Ah!  ‘Is there anything more closely connected with wisdom than truth?’ 

M:       You can still tell the truth – just miss out certain things.

L:         I missed out quite a lot as well you know.  But kept enough in to express what was really important. 

M:       Which was? 

L:         That our mother was never boring. 

M:       And well done for getting buy cialis online with paypal Mogadon, Mein Kampf and digestive biscuits in the same sentence.  Genius! 

L:         Well…not quite the same sentence.  There’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of.  And I did change our names. 

M:       Not all of them.  Not yours or Sammy’s. 

L:         I changed yours. 

M:       Yes, thank you for giving me the name of the most notorious female murderer of the 20th Century. 

L:         Oh… 

M:       And when did that lovely actress Joan Hickson have anything to do with funerals? 

L:         Apart from investigating murders you mean? 

M:       She was playing a role. 

L:         So am I.  And like Miss Marple, I’m not afraid of dead bodies.  

M:       Mollington – Amateur Detective for Funerals?  So you’re going to carry on with this nonsense then? 

L:         Oh yes!  In fact first thing on Monday I’m being given a guided tour behind the scenes at our crematorium.  Apparently, they’ve been reading the GFG so they couldn’t wait to have me.  I’m going to take them some cupcakes… 

M:       So nothing I can say is going to stop you? 

L:         Looking round the crematorium or taking cupcakes? 

M:       No!  Writing your silly articles. 

L:         I’m afraid not Mary.  Writing about death has given me a new lease of life.


 

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james showers
9 years ago

Dear Lyra,
I too am excited to see your face on the GFG blog. Please carry on for as long as you can hold a pen, and then dictate to someone reliable with your increasingly robust perspective until you find something more interesting to amuse your good self.
Meanwhile, I would welcome your thoughts as to whether there is such a thing as a ‘good’ funeral, and what makes it so.
Yours, warmly, as ever, James.

Lyra Mollington
Lyra Mollington
9 years ago

No J, I am not lairy. Nor am I Lary! But it is an amusing thought – thank you for your kind comments.

Jehdeiah
Jehdeiah
9 years ago

Ooo err if Myra is Mary does that make Lyra lairy?
Intrigue upon intrigue!
I, for one, can’t wait for Fridays.
Please, please don’t stop Lyra.