6 December 2011 – The Good Funeral Guide

A very bad day at Age UK

6 December 2011

Charles

6 Comments

Categories: Dignity, funeral plans

Age UK (formerly Help the Aged) has issued a grovelling press release in the wake of the FSA investigation into HSBC and its subsidiary NHFA, which between 2005-10 missold bonds to cover long-term care costs. Clients, average age 83, were recommended to invest for 5 years — longer than they were expected to live. Under the circumstances, an ISA or a higher fixed interest rate savings account would have been a much better option. The FSA has fined HSBC £10.5 million, and NHFA is expected to foot a compensation bill for £29.3 million.

Says Age UK:

“Help the Aged had a relationship with the Nursing Home Fees Agency from 2003 until 2009 in which it acted as an introducer for the NHFA . The NHFA also ran a care home fees advice line and offered an equity release product on behalf of Help the Aged.

“Help the Aged did not advise potential customers or have any input in investment decisions. The contract was reviewed as part of the Age UK merger process and it was decided to terminate the contract.

“NHFA were a major adviser in the area of funding care home fees and were trusted by many including Help the Aged. We are urgently reviewing the findings to see if today’s announcement affects Help the Aged customers and how we can help them access compensation from HSBC, NHFA’s parent company.”

The vulnerability of well-meaning charities to the blandishments of sociopath financial product salespeople is a matter of concern. Earlier this year Eulogy Magazine exposed an unhealthy relationship between Sue Ryder and King’s Court Trust – here.

While it is still in the throes of repentant self-flagellation we express the earnest hope that Age UK will uncouple itself from Dignity funeral plans.

Age UK Funeral Plans
4 King Edwards Court
King Edwards Square
Sutton Coldfield,
West Midlands B73 6AP

Dignity Funerals Ltd,
4 King Edwards Court,
King Edward Square,
Sutton Coldfield,
West Midlands, B73 6AP

Regrets of the dying

6 December 2011

Charles

8 Comments

Categories: Attitudes to death, End-of-life issues

Over on Inspiration and Chai Bronnie Ware describes how, working in palliative care, she would often find herself listening to people’s regrets – all the things they wished they had done in their lives. Some common themes emerged. This is her top five:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Bronnie’s written a book based on her experiences. You can find it here.

The best disinfectant part 1

6 December 2011

Charles

3 Comments

Categories: funeral, funeral cost, funeral directors

There’s no beating around the bush here: funeral pricing must be more transparent.

Most funeral directors are careful, honest and, often, painfully aware of the costs that people face when someone dies.

They run businesses, but know that they are also offering a service that affects people’s well being at the deepest levels. For the best FD every death is more than a transaction, it is also an event that they become a partner in, sharing, with the people involved, some of the intensity of the occasion.

Sometimes this makes them bad businesspeople (and better human beings?). We all know of Funeral Directors who reduce or waive fees for children’s funerals for example.

But there are others who are less scrupulous, willing to pass uneccessary costs on to the customer. This is bad – obviously – for customers, but it is bad for people who work with Funeral Directors too.

We’ve heard, for example, of surcharges added to celebrant’s fees or ‘adminstrative’ charges for booking unusual services or vehicles. Understandable you may say, but in one instance the surcharge raised the cost of the service from £650 to £1,000.

The worst part is that these add ons are rarely declared to the customer. Instead the itemised bill simply states the total cost. It must be great to be able to blame someone else for your own high charges.

Here at GFG we believe sunlight is the best disinfectant and that means being open and upfront about what you are charging. Watch this space.