May 2012 – Page 4 – The Good Funeral Guide

Alexander McQueen: a commentary on death and decay

10 May 2012

Charles

19 Comments

Categories: Art and death

Phoebe Hoare, who’s put some really good things our way, suggests it’s time we did something on Alexander McQueen, the fashion designer. She’s quite right. It’s not as if his work does not dwell and brood on death, dying, mortality and moral blackness.

Before becoming a student at Central St Martin’s, McQueen cut his teeth as a Savile Row tailor. There, he made suits for the nobility and gentry. He made a suit of clothes for the Prince of Wales and, on the back of the lining of one of the sleeves, wrote in biro: ‘I am a c**t’.

He was fearless about flabbergasting people. He wanted people to leave his shows vomiting with shock and gagging for his clothes — and they did. His graduate show at Central St Martin’s was titled Jack the Ripper Stalks his Victims and featured a frock coat with human hair between the fabric and the lining. Throughout his life he carried on giving his adoring public more of the same — Gothic horror and much else.

Zoe Blackler, writer and journalist, says of him: “In McQueen’s world, an exuberant dress of cut flowers becomes a commentary on death and decay. A sculpted dress of black-dyed duck feathers recalls a raven, another deathly image, while accessories evoke the sadomasochistic. And yet, even at their darkest, his creations are never less than beautiful. ‘I find beauty in the grotesque,’ he said. ‘I have to force people to look at things.’” [Source]

Of a jacket embroidered with an image of the crucified Christ, he said: “That’s how I see human life, in the same way. …You know, we can all be discarded quite easily. … You’re there, you’re gone.”

And so he was. He killed himself in 2010, nine days after the death of his mother.

Was he a genius? Not in the opinion of Toby Young: “Not a “genius”, unless by that you mean a gift for self-presentation.” But many would disagree. Compare him with YBAs (Young British Artists) like Damian Hirst and that tent woman. He was streets ahead.

Or was he? You decide for yourself.There’s a good series of photos from the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s 2011 show Savage Beauty here.

There’s a good survey of his oeuvre here.

To Know Him Is To Love Him

9 May 2012

Charles

No comments

Categories: funeral music, music

A bit of funerary scholarship from the sagacious Vale

Of borderline relevance only to funeralists, perhaps – but the title of the song was taken by Phil Spector, who produced it, from the inscription on his father’s headstone. It’s unlikely that the same words will adorn Phil’s.

Older readers will enjoy the nostalgia jolt produced by this (perhaps).

Musing on Spector’s dazzling career, one calls to mind the hit he produced for the Righteous Brothers, You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’. Change lovin’ to livin’ and you see how close the song got to being a firm funeral favourite.

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.
And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips.
You’re trying hard not to show it, (baby).
But baby, baby I know it…

You’ve lost that livin’ feeling,
Whoa, that livin’ feeling,
You’ve lost that livin’ feeling,
Now it’s gone…gone…gone…wooooooh.

Everybody needs a tribe…

9 May 2012

Charles

10 Comments

Categories: Natural Death Centre

Guest post by Fran Hall, Chair of Trustees, the Natural Death Centre

Readers of the GFG Blog are many and myriad – for the few of us who stir ourselves to comment on the superb diet served up daily by the ragged-trousered philanthropists Messrs Cowling and Honeysett, and their regular contributors, (not least the Friday treat penned by Lyra Mollington, the most articulate funeral-goer in the UK), there are countless hundreds of others who check the blog daily to see what latest snippet of death related news has been uploaded.

Celebrants and undertakers, priests and palliative care workers, the curious general public, big industry observers and the lawyers of Co-operative Funeralcare alike, we all have a reason to find our way to this site to stay in touch with what is going on in this strange, unique and peculiar world of death to which all humans ultimately will find their way, and which most of the Western World spend their lives busily ignoring.

At The Natural Death Centre Charity, we have long admired this blog – the dedication and knowledge that lies behind it and the audacity with which it speaks out for the rights and needs of both those who have died and those left behind. We applaud those who dare to challenge the status quo, and who uphold and advocate change for the better in every aspect of dying and funerals, and the Good Funeral Guide creators are a fine example of this – we are proud to call them our friends and allies in the growing movement for improvement in the way we do death.

Things are a-changing, albeit slowly, and this is much to do with the work done both by the GFG and by the NDC over the years. Back in 1991, the Natural Death Centre was founded by the late, great Nicholas Albery, his wife Josefine and a colleague, Christianne Heal. Their vision was for the NDC to provide a meeting place and a forum for ideas about how to make death more a part of life – to provoke a revolution. Over the years many like-minded people supported the work of the NDC, and the little charity with a loud voice has continued to try and make a difference for those approaching their own deaths, or who have had someone close to them die.

This year is the 21^st birthday year of the NDC – the coming of age, and the six of us who run it have great plans for celebrating. Not only do we have the long awaited publication of the Fifth Edition of The Natural Death Handbook coming up next month (more of that to follow in another post), but we have launched a new initiative – the Natural Death Society.

Open to anyone who believes that death is a natural part of life, and that we should all be empowered in the process of dying and organising a funeral, the Society has been created to bring together people who share the same belief in our human right to approach death with the same freedom that we live our lives.

The idea behind it is to take Nicholas’s original idea forward in our internet savvy world – bringing people together ‘virtually’ at least, giving them a forum for debate, information as it is discovered, and identifying them as those most dedicated to forging a better way.

Everyone joining the Society will get a complimentary copy of the new three book box set Handbook, a Natural Death Centre Information Pack ( including invaluable documents and guidance for those contemplating their own death or that of someone close to them), access to the Friends Forum on the NDC website, discounted tickets for educational events and workshops run by the Natural Death Centre, regular newsletters and updates on subjects of interest – oh, and a membership certificate and lapel pin!

The Society is also a way of helping fund the work of the NDC for those who believe in what we do – every month we receive hundreds of calls and e-mails from people looking for help and information, while the website receives 7 – 10,000 visitors monthly. The charity operates on a shoestring, reliant on the generosity of donors and subscriptions from natural burial association members, and without the hard work of the trustees (all unpaid) and the dedication and commitment of our two great part time staff (who do at least twice as much work as we can afford to pay them for), the NDC would have slipped into oblivion long ago.

Just as the Good Funeral Guide must stay in existence, so too must the Natural Death Centre – together pushing and prodding the funeral industry and the public alike towards a better way of dealing with death. By introducing the Society, with an initial £20.00 donation and just a £2.00 monthly donation thereafter, the NDC will be able to use the money generated to extend the work that we do and to reach even more people across the UK.

I think Nicholas Albery would approve – he was a great believer in tribes. The Natural Death Society is a tribe in the making for those of us who share the same values – and in honour of our good friends at the GFG, and our appreciation of all that you do (and in recognition of the pecuniary disadvantage of spending all your time slaving over a computer so that we readers can benefit for free) we will be sending Charles and Richard a tribal gift – the only two honorary memberships of the Society.

Welcome on board!

Find the Natural Death Centre here.

Care more

8 May 2012

Charles

4 Comments

Categories: funeral trends, Good books, MEMO

Posted by Vale

Seth Godin has been called ‘America’s greatest marketer’. Well they go in for superlatives don’t they? But his blog – Seth’s Blog – is full of interesting ideas and reflections about the way that businesses operate.

He recently blogged about caring more and what it might mean for a business:

Politicians are held in astonishingly low esteem. Congress in particular is setting record lows, but it’s an endemic problem. The reason? They consistently act as if they don’t care. They don’t care about their peers, certainly, and by their actions, apparently, they don’t care about us. Money first.

Many salespeople face a similar problem–perhaps because for years they’ve used a shallow version of caring as a marketing technique to boost their commissions. One report by the National Association of Realtors found that more than 90% of all homeowners are never again contacted by their real estate agent after the contracts for the home are signed. Why bother… there’s no money in it, just the possibility of complaints. Well, the reason is obvious–you’d come by with cookies and intros to the neighbors if you cared.

Economists tell us that the reason to care is that it increases customer retention, profitability and brand value. For me, though, that’s beside the point (and even counter to the real goal). Caring gives you a compass, a direction to head and most of all, a reason to do the work you do in the first place.

Care More.

Spot on! If we are looking for a sense of direction as the funeral world changes around us, thinking about how we can care more seems to me to be a really good place to start.

You can find the whole piece here.

‘Moose…Indian’ – whose last words?

7 May 2012

Charles

2 Comments

Categories: eulogy, Memorialising, obituary; epitaph

Posted by Vale

150 years ago yesterday Henry David Thoreau died.

I’ve loved him ever since I came across his views on the first transatlantic telegraph cable. Emerson had written in praise of it, but Thoreau – with something of the prophet in him – refused to be enthusiastic simply noting that “perchance the first news that will leak through into the broad, flapping American ear will be that the Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough.”

He invented an improved pencil, but, having done it once could see no purpose in doing it again, even though its manufacture would have made him a fortune. Instead, he lived by his hands and his wits working out in the world how best to live in it.

Emerson’s eulogy is worth reading as a shrewd record of the man and an introduction to his thought and unique life. Emerson finishes with:

‘The scale on which his studies proceeded was so large as to require longevity, and we were the less prepared for his sudden disappearance. The country knows not yet, or in the least part, how great a son it has lost. It seems an injury that he should leave in the midst of his broken task which none else can finish, a kind of indignity to so noble a soul that he should depart out of Nature before yet he has been really shown to his peers for what he is. But he, at least, is content. His soul was made for the noblest society; he had in a short life exhausted the capabilities of this world; wherever there is knowledge, wherever there is virtue, wherever there is beauty, he will find a home.’

The full text can be found here.

Thoreau’s final words are wonderfully enigmatic: ‘Now comes good sailing’, he said, followed by ‘Moose…Indian’.

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows

7 May 2012

Charles

11 Comments

Categories: ashes, funeral trends

Some advice today for aspirant funeral directors from the award-winning marketing team here at the GFG-Batesville Tower. If you want to set up as a funeral director, don’t go down the cul de sac of trad undertaking. 1) There are already too many undertakers competing for too few dead people. 2) The future’s not that way in any case.

The future is ashes. Blue-skies send-offs with ashes. No hush-and-awe, no big black cars, no men in black macs manhandling a bulky box. Families will increasingly arrange their own send-offs. They’ll do it their way.

Shortly, we shall introduce you to a brand new business which is going to do exactly that.

There is no simple explanation for the death of the funeral, but an important factor has been the failure of funeral directors, acting together, to improve the experiential value of funerals. Emblematic of this has been their complete failure to campaign against production-line crem funerals complete with fines for families who go a bit over.

For a glimpse of the not-too-distant funeral, let’s have a look at the obits in the Times Colonist in British Columbia, Canada. Not a selection, all of them. Date: 4 May 2012.

DOBELL, Richard Ravenscroft Richard Ravenscroft … A memorial will be held on Salt Spring Island at a later date.

TURPEL, Harry Gilbert … No service by Harry’s request.

BISHOP, Paul A … At Paul’s request there will be no memorial or celebration and flowers are respectfully declined.

BROWN, William Anderson … A memorial service celebrating Bill’s life will be held on Saturday, May 5th, 2012, at 1:00 pm, at St. John the Baptist Heritage Church.

CHALMERS, Jesse … A memorial service will be held on Wednesday, May 9, 2012 at 2:00pm at First Memorial Funeral Chapel.

DALZIEL, Bill … A memorial service for Bill will be held at the Church of St. Mary the Virgin, 1701 Elgin Rd, Victoria, B.C. on Saturday June 16 at 2pm, with a reception to follow.

DIXON, Cinamon Anne … There will a blessing of ashes on Saturday May 5, 2012 at 2pm at St Barnabas Anglican Church.

DUNCAN, Thora Arline … Thora’s remains will be interred at the family plot at Royal Oak Burial Park. At Thora’s request, there will be no service.

FLATMAN, Gertrude Emily… A Funeral Service will be held on Saturday, June 2, 2012 at 1:00 p.m. at St. Mary’s the Virgin Anglican Church.

WAINWRIGHT, Michael Raymond John … Michael’s requiem will be held at St. Peter and St. Paul (1379 Esquimalt Rd.) on Friday, May 4th at 1:30 pm.

FRASER, Jeanne Anne … A service honouring Jeanne was held at Scarboro United Church (134 Scarboro Avenue S.W., Calgary, AB) on Thursday, May 3, 2012 at 11:00 a.m. with a reception to follow. Jeanne will also be honoured at an afternoon tea at the Pipestone Community Hall in Manitoba on Thursday, May 10th at 2:00 p.m.

WILSON, Sylvia Louise … Condolences may be offered to the family at www.mccallbros.com Dad and all the Angels in Heaven are rejoicing your arrival Mom!

MACDOWELL, Joan Mary … Please join the family in Joan’s Garden for tea on Saturday, May 12 at 1 pm to celebrate and share memories of her wonderful life.

MARUCA, Joseph Antonio … An informal celebration of his life will occur on Saturday, May 19th at the home of his son Frank

OAKMAN, Margaret … Friends and family are invited to attend a celebration of life May 12th, 2012

RAUDSEPP, Veronica … Veronica was a private person who took great pleasure in plants and gardens, and in her later years created beautiful pressed flower cards that were shared with friends on various occasions. Veronica and Walter are together again.

RICHARDS, Susan Iris Neva … A gathering to remember Susan will be announced in the near future.

RICHARDSON, Jon Reginald … Family and friends are invited to attend a Celebration of Life to be held at the Canadian Forces Sailing Association located at 1001 Maple Bank Road on June 2nd, 2012

WINTEMUTE, John (Jack) Roberts … There will be a private family service at a later date.

Politics and funerals

6 May 2012

Charles

7 Comments

Categories: Attitudes to death, bureaucracy, cemeteries, End-of-life issues, funeral directors, Processions

A topical post from our religious correspondent, Richard Rawlinson

Timed to counter the low turnout of voters at the mayoral and local council elections last week, did you catch the BBC advertisement challenging political apathy by chronicling how so many everyday activities–from the fat count in our sausages to the safety of cyclists on the road–are politicised?

Despite the mid-term anti-Government vote that brought some good news for Labour and disappointment for the Tories, and especially the Lib-Dems, Londoners of my acquaintance are relieved to see Boris returned, and the defeat of tax-avoiding, gaff-prone has-been Red Ken.

But how does politics–local and national–impact on the funeral business? Healthcare clearly affects death tolls, and the economy the lot of small businesses such as independent undertakers. Here are five more, big and small, issues with which local councillors might perhaps busy themselves:

How shall we avoid traffic disruption by town centre funeral processions?

Can we empower the police to hose down those awful ‘God Hate Fags’ protesters who upset the bereaved at private funerals?

How can we secure more land for cemeteries?

How can we placate believers in man-made global warming by making cremation more eco-friendly?

How can we tackle the class war issue of inheritance tax and death duties?

Please add some meat to the bone of this shamefully skeletal list.

Thoughts of a funeral-goer

4 May 2012

Charles

7 Comments

Categories: Thoughts of a funeralgoer

Posted by Lyra Mollington

There is not a lot of enthusiasm amongst my friends for discussing funerals. Even Daisy cannot help raising an eyebrow. However there are a few people who, given the opportunity, are eager to talk, even to a virtual stranger.

When Colin and I were walking on Barnes Common last weekend, I started chatting to a fellow dog-walker. We had spoken on several occasions, albeit briefly and usually about dogs or the weather. This man’s dog is a butch-looking mid-grey Staffie cross. I already knew how his wife had ‘completely ruined’ his plans to name the dog Storm (something to do with a film called ‘Hard To Kill’ which I keep meaning to Google). She got her own way ‘as usual’ and named him Misty.

As we surveyed the puddles around us, we started discussing the drought. One thing led to another and I mentioned my hobby of writing about funerals. Well, talk about lighting the touch paper! He began telling me about his friend who had stated IN WRITING that he did not want ANY kind of funeral ceremony or service. After his friend died, Misty’s owner was HORRIFIED when he received an invitation to the FUNERAL. I sympathised, although I was tempted to say that he was being a little hard on his friend’s family and definitely shouting too much. However, mindful of Misty who seemed to be staring at me menacingly, I asked if he had made any requests for his own send-off.

Indeed he had! Like his friend, he too did NOT want a funeral and he had already told EVERYONE this – including his doctor and his dentist. He then began complaining about the cost of coffins and wondered whether a body could be delivered to the crematorium in a sheet? I wasn’t certain that it could. In any case I was sure he would want to avoid any problems with leakage. Perhaps some kind of plastic body bag might be necessary – and maybe even a plank of wood to provide the necessary rigidity.

My mind was now firing on all cylinders and I was ignoring the strange looks we were getting from passers-by. Thinking out loud, I said he should consider ordering a flat-pack cardboard coffin. Then, let his nearest and dearest know where it’s stored (including, if he must, his doctor and dentist). He could write in large letters on the lid and sides of his coffin, ‘Straight to the cremator – NO ceremony!’ If he ordered a white or pale-coloured one, a black marker pen would be extremely effective. He thought this was a splendid idea. With a cheery wave he continued on his way. Which was quite a relief as Colin was becoming slightly on edge by the attention he was getting from Misty.

As we walked back I wondered whether he really would buy his own coffin. It then started to rain again and I hoped that he would remember to use a permanent marker pen. Not that any of this is a guarantee that his wishes will be honoured. His loved ones will say that the coffin and its message simply illustrate what a unique or eccentric character he had been. Or they could cover up the message with collage. Or buy a new coffin…

Oh dear, he needs a better plan. Although I am beginning to question whether he has any loved ones, apart from Misty of course.

Not so cunning after all?

3 May 2012

Charles

11 Comments

Categories: funeral cost, funeral plans

Posted by Charles

Money’s fallen on hard times. It’s not breeding like rabbits any more.

What’s bad news for savings has got to be bad news for funeral plans too.

Pay now, die later was never going to be a good way to go for the funeral trade because when a person buys their own funeral it is generally more modest than that which he or she might buy for someone else. But if you can’t improve your market share today by encouraging more people to die and afterwards give you repeat business, what’s a poor undertaker to do? Tomorrow’s market share it is. Sell ahead, grow the cash, hope it pays you back.

In present low-growth conditions, the longer a plan takes to mature, the more it’s likely to lag behind.

The April edition of the Funeral Service Journal carries a heartsinking analysis by Ronnie Wayte, managing director of Golden Charter. Given low interest rates, these, he says, are the most disturbing factors:

* Funeral price inflation tends to outstrip RPI. (At the present rate, funeral directors’ costs tend to double every ten years.) Says Wayte: “Put bluntly, parts of our model don’t work in these conditions.”

* People are living longer, increasing likely shortfalls.

* People are buying when they’re younger, extending the maturity period.

* Sure, the death rate will rise soon. But the fruits of this will be shared among increased numbers of funeral directors.

* “As financial services giants become more involved they will squeeze returns.”

No wonder Wayte concludes by saying “we need to step back, have a good look round and decide in what direction we need to move.”

I’m sure he’d welcome some advice from readers of this blog.

First-ever GFG industry awards!

1 May 2012

Charles

9 Comments

Categories: Uncategorised

The Six Feet Under Convention 2012 will pilot the first Good Funeral Guide Awards Ceremony to recognise outstanding service to the bereaved.

The awards will be made in the following categories on the basis of nominations received by the general public:

The Nate Fisher Award for the Most Promising New Funeral Director

The Frederico Diaz Embalmer of the Year

The Eternal Slumber Award for Coffin Supplier of the Year

Most Significant Contribution to the Understanding of Death in the Media
(TV, Film, Newspaper, Magazine or Online)

Crematorium Attendant of the Year

Best Internet Bereavement Resource

The Blossom d’Amour Award For Funeral Flowers

Funeral Celebrant of the Year

Cemetery of the Year

Gravedigger of the Year

Funeral Director of the Year

Best Alternative to a Hearse

Book of the Year
(published after 1 May 2011)

Lifetime Achievement Award

Anyone can nominate a person for the award.The awards ceremony will be on the evening of Friday 7 September 2012 at a prestigious hotel in Bournemouth. It will be hosted by Charles Cowling, founder of theGood Funeral Guide. The winners will receive a small trophy and a certificate in recognition of their achievement.

Said organiser, Brian Jenner: “The funeral industry has many characters and styles, we want to recognise the diversity of the industry and allow the public to have some say in what they think is good. We thought we’d trial this format in 2012 to see if it’s an effective way to acknowledge outstanding service to the bereaved.

“We’ve already had some nominations. Barry Albin-Dyer and Ken West (father of natural burial) have been mentioned for their lifetime contributions. In the alternative hearse category, we’ve had a mention for Paul Sinclair, the motorcycle hearse rider, and Clare Brooks and Michelle Orton, who run the Volkswagen campervan hearse service.”

Anyone wishing to nominate should send an email with a written recommendation (no more than 100 words) to say why they think the company or individual is worthy of the award. If you think that you deserve an award, then nominate yourself.

Please include an address and telephone number. Your citation may be quoted at the award’s ceremony on Friday 7 September 2012.

Email your entry to: goodfuneralawards@sixfeetunderconvention.co.uk by Monday 6 August 2012.

Six Feet Under Convention website here.