With These Hands — Pam Ayres

Posted by Belinda Forbes

In the foreword to the 2008 edition of her book WITH THESE HANDS, Pam Ayres writes that something unexpected has happened, ‘one of the poems … seems to have become popular at wedding receptions.’  Pam may be interested to know that I have occasionally been asked to read one of her poems at a funeral ceremony.  Many people say to me about the deceased, ‘She wasn’t really a poetry kind of person.’ And then with a smile they add, ‘Except for Pam Ayres – of course!’

So here’s one of my favourites, for all the mums who are gone but not forgotten.

With These Hands by Pam Ayres

With these hands so soft and clean,
On which I stroke the Vaseline,
I soothe the fever, cool the heat,
Lift verrucas out of feet,
Slap the plasters on the knees,
Dig the garden, prune the trees,
And if it doesn’t work at all,
I throw the mower at the wall.
With these hands I crack the eggs,
Floss my teeth, shave my legs,
Write the cheques, count the fivers,
Make rude signs at piggish drivers,
Clean the goldfish, light the fires,
Pump up half a dozen tyres,
Feed the hamster, worm the dog
And decorate the Yuletide log.
With these hands I block the lens
When taking photos of my friends,
This is Mary, this is Fred,
See their eyeballs all gone red.
With them I gesticulate,
I wag a finger, say, ‘You’re late!’
Throw them up, say, “Don’t ask me!”
And, ‘What’s that in your hand? Let’s see!’

With these hands, I fondly make,
A brontosaurus birthday cake,
I’m sorry for the shape it’s in,
But half of it stuck in the tin.
I pop the corn, I pick the mix,
I whack the cricket ball for six,
I organise the party game,
And clean up things too vile to name.
No pair of jeans do I refuse,
No Levis, Wranglers or FUs,
I wash them fast, I mend them quick,
I sew through denim hard and thick,
For no repair job makes me frown,
I take them up, I let them down,
I do the fly, I do the rip,
I do the knee, I do the zip.
And with these hands I dab the eyes,
Officiate at fond goodbyes,
As in the earth we gravely dig
The late lamented guinea pig.
I bow my head, cross my chest,
And lay his furry soul to rest,
Reflecting that, on many a day,
I could have helped him on his way.
I greet the folks who bang the door,
Fill the mouths that shout for more,
Scrape the trainers free of muck,
Gut the fish and stuff the duck,
I cart the shopping, heave the coal,
Stick the plunger down the bowl,
Take foreign bodies from the eye
And with these hands I wave
Goodbye.

Reproduced by kind permission of Pam Ayres, from her book, WITH THESE HANDS, published by Orion Books.

A Viking funeral for ashes

Over at Scattering Ashes, here, Rich has been trialling his prototype Viking longship for the fiery water burial of cremains.

What do you think?

Paws2Remember

“Several years ago, I had to sadly make the greatest decision of my entire life and that was to have my beloved Russian Blue cat, Didymus, put to sleep. I can remember that day, as if it were yesterday. I had no warning of her failing health and it took me by surprise. Didymus sadly that day passed away in my arms and then I was asked the following question: what do you want to do, in regard to burying her?  

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Thoughts of a funeral-goer

After returning from Trevor’s after-party, I persuaded Myra to come in for a cup of tea.  I felt the urge for some reminiscing.  I retrieved a large shoe box from the study – mother’s photographs. 

Mum died in 1979 – she was 65.  Sadly, back then, when it came to funerals, choice was not a word in common use.  You took what you were given. 

We were given an Anglican priest who mumbled. 

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Crematorium manager of the day

“You can’t just put the fire on the pyre and go off. The shutters should be opened and additional firewood has to be placed at least thrice. While burning bodies of people who had taken a lot of medications, like cancer patients, certain chemicals spurt out of the body. This can be hazardous if it falls on you.”

Selina Jacob, manager of Thrikkakara crematorium, Kerala, India — here

A bird’s-eye view: Jack’s funeral

 Posted by Juno Gatsby

Jack’s granddaughter called me and asked if I could recommend a venue for his funeral service. His family knew he didn’t want his last journey to be in a church or crematorium. He would be laid to rest in their local cemetery after his farewell ceremony. We talked about hotels and wedding venues but most hotels aren’t too keen on having a hearse parked outside the main entrance! They tried the local Register Office as a potential venue, they were very kind and helpful but…..there were just too many corners to be negotiated. It would be impossible to manoeuvre a coffin into the building with any dignity. Then we hit on the idea of wedding barn venues, and the family got busy on the phone and sorted it all out for themselves. The owners of a beautiful, mellow stone-walled, old oak-beamed barn conversion agreed in principle – as long as there were no legal restrictions. We reassured them that, unlike weddings, there are no legal restrictions on where and when you can hold a funeral ceremony.

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Skeletons in the closet — and other places

From an article in yesterday’s Guardian:

The University of Cologne is investigating after hundreds of human body parts were found in the cellars of its institute of anatomy, apparently abandoned there for years.

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Advertising Standards Authority passes judgement on Colourful Coffins

 

 

Copied and pasted directly from the ASA website here

 

Advertising Standards Authority Adjudication on Colourful Coffins Ltd

Colourful Coffins Ltd

Printworks
Crescent Road
Cowley
Oxford
OX4 2PB

Date:

14 March 2012

Media:

Internet (on own site), Brochure, Magazine

Sector:

Business

Number of complaints:

1

Complaint Ref:

A11-176349

Ad

A claim on the Colourful Coffins website, viewed in October 2011, stated “[we] Offer the only 100% recycled cardboard coffin on the market”.  On another page of the website, further text stated “our 100% recycled cardboard coffin”.

Issue

Greenfield Creations Ltd challenged whether the claim “100% recycled cardboard” was misleading and could be substantiated.

CAP Code (Edition 12)

Response

Colourful Coffins Ltd confirmed that they used BeeCore cardboard in their coffins and included a letter from their supplier which stated that the “product BeeCore as supplied to all customers consists of paper and starch glue of which the paper is made of 100% post consumer waste paper conforming to EN 643”.  BS EN 643 was the UK version of the European Standard EN 643, which defined grades and combinations of acceptable types of recovered fibre.

Colourful Coffins explained that the claim only related to the fact that the cardboard used in their coffins was made from 100% recycled paper and that they had not stated that the lining paper, used as part of the composition of the cardboard, was also recycled.

Assessment

Upheld

The ASA noted the complainant’s argument that no cardboard could be described as 100% recycled because all cardboard required glue for bonding and it was unlikely that the glue used in the product was also recycled.  We also noted that the outer paper used as part of the composition of the cardboard was not recycled.  Whilst we did not consider that the average consumer would take bonding agents into account in their understanding of the claim “100% recycled”, we did consider that as the outer edges of the cardboard were made from non-recycled paper, the claim that the coffins were made from “100% recycled cardboard” had not been substantiated.

We therefore concluded that the claim was misleading.

The claim breached CAP Code (Edition 12) rules 3.1 (Misleading advertising) and 3.7 (Substantiation).

Action

The claim must not appear again in its current form.

The status of marriages and funerals

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

I recently had a conversation with a priest about the topic du jour: same-sex civil partnerships–which offer legal equality–becoming known as marriages, so gaining semantic equality by reinterpreting a term traditionally reserved for the union between a man and woman as they become husband and wife.

For some reason, the discussion led me to ask why the funeral isn’t among the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church. The rites of passage of Baptism, Confirmation and Holy Matrimony are sacraments, as are Reconciliation (confession), Holy Orders (ordination), Anointing of the Sick (last rites) and, at the centre of it all, the Eucharist (mass). The priest’s answer: ‘The funeral mass comes within the sacrament of the Eucharist so doesn’t need to be a sacrament in itself’.

But both weddings and funerals vary between those in which Communion is offered to the congregation and those in which it isn’t, I replied. The nuptial mass and funeral mass sometimes omit the mass bit.

The choice of Eucharist or not is pragmatic, came the reply, as it reflects today’s mix of people attending marriages and funerals. Those planning their ceremonies might choose to dispense with the Eucharist in acknowledgement of the fact that many guests are not baptised and so cannot partake. To avoid the sacrilege of giving the Host inadvertently to someone not eligible, or of upsetting someone by offering a blessing but no Eucharist, such awkwardness is avoided. After all, he added, practicing Christians, who receive Communion regularly, can do so at another time.  

But if the Eucharist isn’t an essential part of either ceremony, I persisted, this doesn’t explain why marriage stands on its own as a sacrament but funerals do not. 

The explanation gets theologically technical here and, as the term ‘sacrament’ only relates to Catholic and Orthodox marriages anyway (Protestants dropped it as a sacrament), I’ll try to be brief to stay on message.

In a nutshell, all the sacraments are outward rituals bestowing inner grace. At baptism and last rites, we may be too young or too unconscious to participate in the way we do at confirmation and confession, but we believe divine grace occurs through the intermediary in holy orders. The same can be said of marriage but it stands apart from other sacraments as it’s a contract between two flawed people and not directly with the perfect God. However, it’s nevertheless a binding contract before God.

So back to funerals. The Requiem Mass is part of the sacrament of the Eucharist, the mass for the dead and the mass for the living. Christ’s salvic sacrifice is at the centre, hence guidance against undue emphasis on eulogies for the deceased. When the bereaved choose a ceremony without the Eucharist, the liturgy, though not referred to as a sacrament, nonetheless offers the same message of Easter hope, and commends the deceased to God. Grace can be bestowed through prayer, not just through the sacraments. There is also always the option to schedule a memorial mass at a later date.

Thanks for the clarification, Father. But one last question: we may recall our confirmation or marriage ceremonies but not our baptism or last rites. Although we clearly don’t actively participate in our own funerals, do you think we witness them? The answer: God only knows. 

The Good Funeral Guide
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