November 2011 – Page 5 – The Good Funeral Guide

High profile life, low key death

8 November 2011

Charles

1 Comment

Categories: music

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

I know, I know, 120 years is not a significant anniversary like a centenary, but can we spare a thought for Cole Porter, born in 1891? Two of the great American composer’s many classics, I’ve Got You Under My Skin and Just One Of Those Things, are popular secular choices at funerals. His own funeral instructions are quite interesting too.

The son of wealthy Indiana parents, he learned to ride on the family ranch at the age of six, a leisure pursuit that was to be his ultimate undoing. Attending prestigious educational establishments including the Harvard School of Music, his talent was clear early on.

After serving in the First World War, he stayed in Paris with his new wife, Linda, where they enjoyed lavish parties. Returning to the US, he fell from his horse, smashing his legs and making him wheelchair bound for five years, and enduring buy generic tadalafil online cheap many operations during the next two decades.

But it was during these years when he wrote wonderful songs from Every Time We Say Goodbye; Night And Day; Miss Otis Regrets, You Do Something To Me, and many more.

Then his wife died and his right leg was eventually amputated, after which he wrote no more as his health declined, and he fell into deep depression. He became a reclusive drunk in his apartment in the Waldorf Astoria in New York, refusing to attend a ‘Salute to Cole Porter’ night at the Metropolitan Opera House.

He died in 1964, and instructed for no funeral or memorial. He has a simple gravestone at home in Indiana where he’s buried next to his wife and father. His legacy lives on. He composed over 1,000 songs, and his hit musicals include High Society and Kiss Me Kate. He’s playing on my iTunes as I write.

Frightfully common

8 November 2011

Charles

2 Comments

Categories: Art and death, coffins

The English interior designer David Hicks created the signature look of the Swinging Sixties. Those strong colours and geometrical designs — they’re his.

He seems to have been a man at ease with his mortality, a mindset informed, perhaps, by his daily ritual of chain-smoking cigarettes. At his flat in Albany he “created a crimson drawing room and bedroom with a bed lavishly draped in red damask, which he described as ‘a bed to receive one’s doctors from, a bed to die in.’

“Hicks did not die in that bed but rather in his bed at the Grove, surrounded by beloved objects and gazing at the landscape. He orchestrated his own funeral, spelling out the arrangements in a book that he made called “The Demise of David Hicks.” His coffin was carried to its final resting place on an ivy-covered trailer attached to Hicks’s Range Rover. He was wearing a David Hicks tie, and his pockets were stuffed with his obituaries and press clippings.” [Source]

Hicks designed his own coffin, of course. When lung cancer claimed him at the age of 69 he lay in state in it, at his own instructions, in his garden pavilion. Made of sycamore, it was, at his command, handle-less.

Coffin handles, he said, are “frightfully common”.

Undercutting the undertakers

6 November 2011

Charles

21 Comments

Categories: Uncategorised

Business in bargain basement funerals is booming in Germany. Budget undertakers now enjoy 25 per cent of the market, up from 16 per cent two years ago.

A typical German funeral is comparable in cost to a British funeral: somewhere between £2,500 and £3,000. But the funeral price comparison website Bestattungen.de will quickly lead you to Sarg-Discount (translation: Coffindiscount), who will cremate you for as little as £412.89, and to budget undertaker Aarau, who will bury you for £860.

Old school German undertakers are not surprisingly hot under the collar about all this and respond in the language of undertakers the world over: “Either there are hidden costs, or the body is treated without dignity,” warns Rolf Lichtner of the German equivalent of the NAFD. Whatever the truth of this, the image of budget funerals in Germany is somewhat tarnished by the fact that the ceo of Aarau, Patrick Schneider, is a former Stasi officer with a criminal record – just as the image of budget funerals in the UK has been besmirched by the activities of serial cheat and bungler Richard Sage.

German budget undertakers retort, of course, that dignity isn’t something that can be measured by the number of euros spent.

There may be an interesting sociological slant to this Teutonic trend. Dagmar Haenel, an anthropologist at the University of Bonn, thinks that cheap funerals reflect a contemporary throwaway mindset and reflect a divergence in the behaviours of different social classes, noting “We also have a rise in very individualised burials, sometimes very costly” by rich and educated people. “When it comes to funerals, the struggle of the classes is gaining ground,” she concludes. Here in Britain, on the contrary, a budget funeral is generally much more interesting to educated professionals than to working class people.

It would be impossible, in Britain, to get prices down to German levels. But there’s room at the bottom for sure. And how good it would be to see more people dispense with the customary trappings and trimmings and focus their attention instead on the principal business of a funeral, the farewell ceremony, an event where what is said and what is done matter most, and where what is spent is supplementary. Not only would the bereaved get much better emotional value for money, they would also be setting a good example.

Final solution

4 November 2011

Charles

No comments

Categories: funeral cost

It is only eight o’clock pm here at GFG HQ, yet it’s already some 15 minutes since we sounded the hooter and nudged our horny-handed workforce into the weary, black, wet November night. We like to feel that we are kindly, enlightened employers, for whom wellbeing issues come first.

At the desk of one of our interns, R Cratchit, we found a discarded Daily Mail. Leafing through it we found this appeal in the This Is Money section:

I have been saving for five years to build up some money to pay for my funeral. I always felt that I didn’t want my family to have to pay for my send off and have built up a pot that should more than cover it.

I told a friend about this and they said I was mad. They pointed out my grown up children are not poor and thought they would have no problem with paying for my funeral.

My friend said I should spend the money now and enjoy it while I can – they even suggested going on a cruise.

I don’t know what to do, should I keep my funeral pot or blow it?

The Mail would like to know what you think. If what you think is sufficiently impressive it will use your response in a followup article. So, if you have strong feelings about what this man should do with his death stash, click the link here.

Please help!

4 November 2011

Charles

No comments

Categories: Attitudes to dead bodies, Dress codes

Judith Simpson is a PhD student in the School of Design at the University of Leeds.

She is researching the way in which the dead body is dressed, ‘styled’ and presented and how (or even if) this relates to what people believe about life and death.

Here is Judith’s appeal to YOU:

I am asking a number of funerary professionals for their observations on how customers ask their loved ones to be presented and for any opinions on why these requests are made. I would be extremely grateful if you could respond to the survey on the link below. If you are able to share the survey with colleagues in the industry that would be wonderful. I would also be delighted to capture the opinions of retired funerary professionals who may have witnessed significant change over their careers.

There is a statement attached which explains the project and how its findings will be used; this has been approved by the University’s Ethics Committee and I trust it will allay any of your concerns.

Before you take the survey, please read the statement below, which has been approved by the University’s Ethics Committee.

The link to the survey is here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/FHSP23F

Informed Consent Form

An Investigation Into Current Trends in Presenting and Viewing the Dead Body

Purpose of the Study:

This is a study of contemporary social practices that is being conducted by Judith Simpson, a research student at the University of Leeds. The purpose of this study is to examine what people of the early twenty first century believe to be the most appropriate way of dealing with the body between death and the point of burial or cremation. My particular interest is in the way that the body is dressed and presented for viewing by family and friends. I am interested in both the memories of people who have been involved in these processes and the opinions of the community in the widest sense.

What will be done:

You will complete one of a series of surveys, which will take 15-20 minutes to complete. The survey may include questions about

your own experience of arrangements made following a death
your opinions on historical practices or those of different cultures
your thoughts on ‘ideal’ funerary practices
your ideas about what specific customs might mean
your ideas about what happens when we die

I may also ask for some demographic information (e.g. age, gender, religious belief) so that I can consider whether, for example, the insights of women are different from those of men, or whether age has an influence on ideas about death).

Benefits of this Study:

You will be contributing to knowledge about how death is currently understood in Britain, and about the arrangements that ordinary families make in times of bereavement.

Risks or discomforts:

No risks or discomforts are anticipated from taking part in this study. If you feel uncomfortable with a question, you can skip that question. Your participation is greatly valued but is completely voluntary.

Confidentiality:

Your responses will be kept completely confidential. I will not know your IP address when you respond to an online survey. I will only have access to your email address or other contact details should you choose to enter them in response to an invitation to participate in a follow up interview. If you do provide contact details these will only be used by the researcher and will not be disclosed to any third party.

The survey does not ask you to provide your name, and should any comments that you make be published in research papers you will be identified by a participant number only.

How the findings will be used:

The results of the study will be used for scholarly purposes only. The results from the study will be presented in educational settings and at professional conferences, and the results might be published in a professional journal.

Contact information:

If you have concerns or questions about this study, please contact Judith Simpson at sdjms@leeds.ac.uk or one of the project supervisors, Professor Efrat Tsëelon (e.tseelon@leeds.ac.uk) or Dr Judith Tucker (j.a.tucker@leeds.ac.uk).

By beginning the survey, you acknowledge that you have read this information and agree to participate in this research, with the knowledge that you are free to withdraw your participation at any time

Eric Idle’s eulogy to George Harrison

4 November 2011

Charles

5 Comments

Categories: eulogy, Humour, Memorial service, tributes

Eric Idle’s eulogy to George Harrison at the memorial event at the Hollywood Bowl:

When they told me they were going to induct my friend George Harrison into the Hollywood Bowl Hall of Fame posthumously: my first thought was – I bet he won’t show up.

Because, unlike some others one might mention – but won’t – he really wasn’t in to honors.

He was one of those odd people who believe that life is somehow more important than show business.

Which I know is a heresy here in Hollywood, and I’m sorry to bring it up here in the very Bowel of Hollywood but I can hear his voice saying “oh very nice, very useful, a posthumous award – where am I supposed to put it? What’s next for me then? A posthumous Grammy? An ex-Knighthood? An After-Lifetime Achievement Award?

He’s going to need a whole new shelf up there.

So: posthumously inducted – sounds rather unpleasant: sounds like some kind of after-life enema.

But Induct – in case you are wondering – comes from the word induce – meaning to bring on labor by the use of drugs.

And Posthumous is actually from the Latin post meaning after and hummus meaning Greek food.

So I like to think that George is still out there somewhere – pregnant and breaking plates at a Greek restaurant.

I think he would prefer to be inducted posthumorously because he loved comedians – poor sick sad deranged lovable puppies that we are – because they – like him – had the ability to say the wrong thing at the right time – which is what we call humor.

He put Monty Python on here at The Hollywood Bowl, and he paid for the movie The Life of Brian, because he wanted to see it.

Still the most anybody has ever paid for a Cinema ticket.

His life was filled with laughter and even his death was filled with laughter… In the hospital he asked the nurses to put fish and chips in his IV.

The doctor – thinking he was delusional – said to his son “don’t worry, we have a medical name for this condition.”

Yes said Dahni “humor.”

And I’m particularly sorry Dahni isn’t here tonight – because I wanted to introduce him by saying “Here comes the son” – but sadly that opportunity for a truly bad joke has gone, as has Dahni’s Christmas present from me.

George once said to me “if we’d known we were going to be The Beatles we’d have tried harder.”

What made George special – apart from his being the best guitarist in the Beatles – was what he did with his life after they achieved everything.

He realized that this fame business was – and I’ll use the technical philosophical term here – complete bullshit.

And he turned to find beauty and truth and meaning in life – and more extraordinarily – found it.

This is from his book I Me Mine:

“The things that most people are struggling for is fame or fortune or wealth or position – and really none of that is important because in the end death will take it all away. So you spend your life struggling for something, which is in effect a waste of time… I mean I don’t want to be lying there as I’m dying thinking ‘oh shit I forgot to put the cat out.'”

And he wasn’t. He passed away – here in LA – with beauty and dignity surrounded by people he loved.

Because he had an extraordinary capacity for friendship.

People loved him all over the planet.

George was in fact a moral philosopher: his life was all about a search for truth, and preparing himself for death.

Which is a bit weird for someone in rock and roll. They’re not supposed to be that smart. They’re supposed to be out there looking for Sharon. Not the meaning of life.

Michael Palin said George’s passing was really sad but it does make the afterlife seem much more attractive.

He was a gardener – he grew beauty in everything he did – in his life, in his music, in his marriage and as a father.

I was on an island somewhere when a man came up to him and said “George Harrison, oh my god, what are you doing here?” – and he said “Well everyone’s got to be somewhere.”

Well alas he isn’t here. But we are. And that’s the point. This isn’t for him. This is for us, because we want to honor him. We want to remember him, we want to say Thanks George for being. And we really miss you. So lets take a look at some of the places he got to in his life.

Video montage is shown of George Harrison’s life, from youthful Beatle to mature solo artist.

Well he’s still not here. But we do have someone very special who was very dear to him – who is here. The first man to perform with the Beatles. The one and only Billy Preston.

Billy Preston and a chorus of vocalists sing Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord.”

Thank you Billy Preston.

So this is the big drag about posthumous awards: there’s no one to give ’em to.

So I’m gonna keep this and put it next to the one I got last year. No, I’m going to give it to the love of his life, his dark sweet lady, dear wonderful Olivia Harrison, who is with us here tonight. Liv, you truly know what it is to be without him.

Thank you Hollywood Bowl you do good to honor him. Goodnight.

Online amnesia

3 November 2011

Charles

2 Comments

Categories: memorialisation, onlime memorial sites

ObituariesToday.com is national obituary service, with funeral home listings, pre-planning information, a resource section for funeral information, as well as obituaries and memorial announcements. In other words it’s one of those online memorial websites. There are lots and lots of them.

If you want to find the page on ObituariesToday which commemorates, shall we say, David Victor Regier, you go straight to it by clicking this link — here.

Yes, whoops.

We can’t find out what’s happened to Obituariestoday.com. It looks as if it might have gone down with all decedents and everybody’s memories of them. It wouldn’t be the first online memorial site to have suffered this fate.

Caveat online memorialiser bigtime.

Here at the GFG we only endorse (and hugely admire) MuchLoved.com

Fiction tempers the funeral facts

2 November 2011

Charles

No comments

Categories: Uncategorised

By our religious correspondent, Richard Rawlinson

TV mini-series The Borgias stars Jeremy Irons as Renaissance Pope Alexander VI, nee Roderigo Borgia. Created by Neil Jordan of The Tudors fame, is a lavish period piece (winning this year’s Emmy for Best Costume) and is packed with racy plotlines involving power struggles, sex, assassinations and sibling rivalries.

As the portraits above and below reveal, the casting of Irons involved a degree of artistic license. The Venetian ambassador reported that Rodrigo Borgia’s corpse was “the ugliest, most monstrous and horrible dead body that was ever seen, without any form or likeness of humanity.”

After a week of intestinal bleeding and convulsive fevers, he died in 1503 at the age of 72. The swollen body began to release sulfurous gasses from every orifice, according to reports, and someone had to jump on the body to jam it into the undersized coffin.

Master of Ceremonies Johann Burchard elaborated: ‘The face was very dark, the color of a dirty rag or a mulberry, and was covered all over with bruise-colored marks. The nose was swollen; the tongue had bent over in the mouth, completely double, and was pushing out the lips which were, themselves, swollen. The mouth was open and so ghastly that people who saw it said they had never seen anything like it before.’