Funeral minus ex

Charles Cowling

Here’s a situation familiar to all funeral directors and celebrants and to an increasing number of bereaved people. A reader writes to Virginia Ironside at the Independent:

Dear Virginia,

I had been married to my husband for 30 years when he suddenly seemed to have a brainstorm – he left me for an Italian woman, moved to Italy and married her. Now, just six months after they married, he has died of a heart attack.

The problem is that this other woman is organising the funeral and has made it clear she doesn’t want me there. She’s not allowing our children any say in the service, either. I’m so very upset. What can I do?

Here’s her response, plus the responses of others.

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Charles Cowling
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Charles Cowling

Terrific post here on Patrick McNally's blog:
http://www.dailyundertaker.com/2009/02/blue-valentines-its-complicated.html

If you didn't know about Patrick, bookmark his blog and come back often. He's terrific.

Patrick McNally
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Patrick McNally

If the husband had died before the divorce was finalized, the wife would have had control, and the 'Italian Woman' none. I hope she would have been as gracious to the mistress as she expects the new wife should be to her.
What is appropriate in a situation like this is our most gracious empathy and consideration for others.