Funeral Flowers

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

Paul Flowers was a successful man: chairman of Co-operative Bank, Labour councillor and Methodist minister. He’s now shunned by all three pillars of the establishment—business, politics and church—after his penchant for taking crystal meth with male prostitutes hit the headlines.

When Flowers first hooked up with Manchester Lads escort Ciaron Dodd, he took him to see the play, You Can’t Take It With You, at Manchester’s Royal Exchange theatre. This was, of course, followed by sex and drugs back at the hotel.

You can’t take it with you. This is certainly true of a fat cat salary. But you can spend your earnings in plenty of ways that don’t stop you taking your reputation with you.

We’ve all met characters like Flowers: high-achievers and do-gooders who also live dangerously by indulging their less reputable side; risk-takers who want to have their cake and eat it.

We often feel some satisfaction when such human juggernauts are stopped in their tracks, when those made ebullient by deference to their status are brought down to earth when they’re given a dose of humble pie after their flaws are exposed.

Flowers may become a better man as a result of his downfall. He’s deemed a useless banker due to his involvement in the Co-operative Bank, whose massive debts may yet result in the selling of Co-operative Funeralcare. He’s also deemed a hypocritical sleazeball due to private decadence in relation to his socio-political and religious roles in the community.

How would a funeral celebrant deal with such a eulogy challenge?

The GFG blog represents all points of view. If you’ve got something to say and an urge to say it, we’d be pleased to publish it here. We reach close to 2000 people every day, so this is a good place to get your message out. Send your words to charles@goodfuneralguide.co.uk.

Winter warmers

The winter cold is beginning to nip your ears and gnaw your toes. Time to order some of  Yuli Somme’s Foot Felts — incredibly warm, snug insoles for your shoes or boots. Here at the GFG-Batesville Shard, where austerity measures forbid us from turning on the heat until evening, we swear by them. Honestly, they’re brilliant. At just £6 a pair they’re very affordable. They are also, as you might expect of Yuli, compostable when they wear out. And what better way to toast your toes than with offcuts of shrouds? One undertaker gave them to her entire family as Christmas presents. Buy em here

Up in Yorkshire James Hardcastle of The Carriage Master is ready to help out funeral directors and people arranging their own funeral when the snows fall – as they will – and hearses are reduced to slithering idiots. He has, available for hire, Range Rover Vogues that’ll get you to the iciest crematorium on time, or up the track of the most inaccessible natural burial ground. Find all the details here: The Carriage Master snow hearse

The GFG blog represents all points of view. If you’ve got something to say and an urge to say it, we’d be pleased to publish it here. We reach close to 2000 people every day, so this is a good place to get your message out. Send your words to charles@goodfuneralguide.co.uk.

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