21 November 2012 – The Good Funeral Guide

Intolerant of intolerance

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

The picketing of military funerals in the US by the Westboro Baptist cult is well-documented.

Less so are increasing incidents in Holland of Muslim youths disrupting non-Muslim funerals. One undertaker says youths on bikes stop processions and bang on the roof of the hearse, shouting ‘One dog less’ or ‘Jews, Jews’.

The gangs are school age. The response of the police to complaints has been that the Islamic schools need protection, and that the yobs are too young to understand their behaviour is wrong. It makes you wonder what social responsibility they’re being taught in the classroom, and at home for that matter.

It also makes you wonder why liberal society is so tolerant when it comes to such disdain for our democratic values. Enter the British Muslims for Secular Democracy (BMSD). This courageous group of men and women have protested in London against a pro-Sharia march by fundamentalist group Islam4UK. To counter banners such as ‘Islam will dominate the world: Freedom can go to Hell’, the BMSD has retorted with slogans such as ‘Freedom of speech will rule the world’.

As Muslims condemning radical Islamist sexism, racism and homophobia, they risk becoming targets of violence but, unlike non-Muslim liberals, they are less concerned about being accused of ‘Islamophobia’ or some other form of political incorrectness.

And there lies the reason for our silence and hesitation to condemn extremism. Ironically, there was another group of protesters against the Islam4UK. A few members of the English Defence League were making their stand, too. When interviewed by a journalist, they leapt at the opportunity to claim they were not neo-Nazi football hooligans, that they supported women’s rights and gay rights, and that they just wanted to protest against radical Islamists whose supporters bombed London, and attacked the funeral processions of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

It might be true that the EDL does not have its origins in the Hitler cults, but they are certainly not to be trusted as true allies of the good folk of the BMSD. EDL members have attacked Muslims because they are Muslims, and indeed anyone Muslim, Sikh, Hindu or atheist with a brown skin. They pick on anyone they see as being in the ‘wrong’ team.

It’s groups such as EDL that make non-racists reluctant to criticise Islamic hate. We should stand up to both by spporting the British Muslims for Secular Democracy (see here http://www.bmsd.org.uk/index.asp )

What makes for a ‘bad’ funeral celebrant?

Posted by Carole Renshaw, a civil celebrant

The market of Humanists and Celebrants seems to be growing!

I’m sure more are spilling out of the training programmes……….than they are withdrawing or giving up the cause! The plethora of new websites……new training provider logos………new leaflets………gives us some confidence that numbers in the profession are on the up!

Now if we take the economical and market driven debate – it would say that competition drives up service quality. I have no argument with that. But I do want to raise that thorny question – not what makes a good Funeral Celebrant………..there are plenty of books on that………….but What makes for a ‘bad’ Funeral Celebrant?

And my take on this is simple! I don’t believe that any Celebrant would be labelled as a ‘bad’ one in the eyes of mourners. That’s not to say they don’t exist. Funeral Directors will also have their own views on this. After all, they’re privileged to have that helicopter view of Celebrants as they sit and compare our styles, our words and our prices.

But so long as people leave their service feeling the send off was just what ‘Joan would have loved……’ then these same individuals who are at their lowest ebb and at one of the most vulnerable times of their lives, are happy – if happy is the right word!

I wonder if people who have lost someone special, really want to have to make that rational informed decision between good and bad. Don’t they just want someone to support them through it? It’s not until people have been to a few of these types of services, that they begin to make informed decisions of what’s available in the market. That leads to competition. And competition leads to better services.

I worked in health care for many years and I’ve seen people’s lives saved by poor and atrocious medical care. The very fact that lives had been saved was enough for the judgment call – not how they got there. That journey wasn’t relevant enough to be the point of discussion.

Funerals are no different. If Celebrants can help mourners to leave a service happy, comfortable and contented that their loved ones had a good send off ……then they’ve hit the right button! A fellow Celebrant once asked me if I sent out questionnaires for feedback after a service. My answer was short and sweet – No! And when I asked them if they had ever received poor feedback – their answer was short and sweet – No! I rest my case.

I was guided by a family member recently who very clearly told me that ‘….it has to be a good funeral…’. It wasn’t until I delved further and asked him ‘…what does a good funeral look like?’ that I got to the heart of the debate. Good……Bad……….we use these words too freely for them to have any real meaning.

I think it’s far easier to ask ‘What makes a good Celebrant’ from the mourners perspective. But what makes for a bad Funeral Celebrant – well that has far more reaching consequences for the profession and the funeral industry.

But the industry is informed enough to know the answer. And as competition increases, that answer will keep changing!