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For me, it’s not so much what I can do before I die; after all, I won’t be here afterwards to benefit from that, nor remember it, and it seems to mean more in the anticipation than in the accomplishment. To look back at death and think, ‘I did it’ – what will that matter to me then, more than mere vanity?
No. If I don’t get it done, I hope I won’t mind so much; it’s got to be worth having lived for its own sake. That kind of value doesn’t accrue with accomplishments – you leave them all behind, along with your worldly wealth and your body, for others to deal with or benefit from, while for you at that moment they will amount to nothing. But what of your self?
It may be a comforting thought meanwhile that others will live to have the benefits of what I’ve done with my life. But what about at the time of my death? It’s what I will have become by then that matters more to me now; that I will be satisfied enough with who I am to be able to let go of myself willingly, not knowing what’s coming next, not even knowing if I’m going to find out.
If I really want to do something before I die, it is to be able to acquiesce to dying this afternoon; and that is something I have to try and do today and every day, not just once before I die.
Now that is what I call food for thought, Jonathan, thank you.
Much as I enjoyed the DeathFest wall, it dawned on me at the time that really, it’s just another way of saying “here’s a few things I’d really like to do a lot.” Just a way of prioritising things afresh. Useful if it spreads the idea of living with an acceptance of our own mortality rather than just rattling down the rails towards the tunnel, looking backwards all the time.
I like the line, no doubt written by a stressed parent or over-worked employee:
Before I die… I want to get my life back.
Good point, GM; why bring death into it at all? Everything I want to do, I want to do it before I die. Surely that’s just common sense?
Not entirely sure how I managed to miss that at Deathfest , great idea!
Although the wall was a great idea and fun/interesting idea, Jonathan has unearthed a tautology here that is revealing about our attitudes towards mortality. Everything we want to do (on this planet at least, O astral travellers…) is before we die. Realising that means moving a bit further towards accepting truths about our existence.