Cybertwaddle

There are very few funeral directors in the UK with a web presence. Many of those who do fail to understand that the job of a website is twofold: first, to offer a relationship of warmth and trust; second, to proclaim capability and professionalism.

A good many undertakerly websites simply advertise ineptitude. Clumsy prose, wonky spelling and inaccurate punctuation reflect disastrously on a funeral director’s competence. It is a job which requires, above all, obsessive attention to detail.

Here is some text from the website of the hapless Samuel James and Sons of Birmingham. A roomful of chimps on typewriters could have done better than this.

Much of the work that the Funeral Director does is discreet and is not always readily apparent what duties care carried out. These include :- Service The Funeral Arrangements themselves can be mode of anytime just by contacting us. We can call and see you

The Arrangement and Payment of Fees and Disbursements relating to the funeral include; Crematorium and Cemetery Fees, Parochial Fees, Press Announcements, Floral Tributes, Hymn Sheets, Attendance Cords, Catering arrangements either at home, our Funeral Home or on external venue, plus any other detail requested by the relatives of the deceased. Where necessary a grove will be purchased and tees paid.

Thank you, Samuel, for Attendance Cords. They will keep us chuckling all weekend.

Sex and death

Today’s papers have enjoyed this story—the ones you’d expect, the funloving Sun and the _____________ (supply your own adjective) Daily Mail.

It’s a story which emanates, so it seems, from the Wales News Service, whose website offers this enticement: “Have you been betrayed by your man? Or did you get revenge on your love rat? Maybe something bizarre or funny has happened to you? Have you overcome tragedy or found love when you least expected it?”

It’s that sort of a news agency.

It’s a story which makes me pulsate with ambivalence. I guess she’s actually a very nice lass who also happens to be young and pretty. I fear she’s being exploited. I want to think the best.

But the image takes us to some pretty dark places. As does the caption in the Sun: Serious business … babe Louise at work

The Good Funeral Guide
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