The Good Funeral Guide

When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that’s the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky
That’s where I’m gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest

Gonna go to the place that’s the best

Prepare yourself you know it’s a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He’s gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That’s where you’re gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You’re gonna go to the place that’s the best

Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He’s gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That’s where I’m gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I’m gonna go to the place that’s the best
Go to the place that’s the best

Judith Simpson is a PhD student in the School of Design at the University of Leeds. 

She is researching the way in which the dead body is dressed, ‘styled’ and presented and how (or even if) this relates to what people believe about life and death. 

Here is Judith’s appeal to YOU: 

I am asking a number of funerary professionals for their observations on how customers ask their loved ones to be presented and for any opinions on why these requests are made. I would be extremely grateful if you could respond to the survey on the link below. If you are able to share the survey with colleagues in the industry that would be wonderful. I would also be delighted to capture the opinions of retired funerary professionals who may have witnessed significant change over their careers. 

There is a statement attached which explains the project and how its findings will be used; this has been approved by the University’s Ethics Committee and I trust it will allay any of your concerns. 

Before you take the survey, please read the statement below, which has been approved by the University’s Ethics Committee.  

The link to the survey is here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/FHSP23F 

Informed Consent Form 

An Investigation Into Current Trends in Presenting and Viewing the Dead Body 

Purpose of the Study:

This is a study of contemporary social practices that is being conducted by Judith Simpson, a research student at the University of Leeds.  The purpose of this study is to examine what people of the early twenty first century believe to be the most appropriate way of dealing with the body between death and the point of burial or cremation.  My particular interest is in the way that the body is dressed and presented for viewing by family and friends.  I am interested in both the memories of people who have been involved in these processes and the opinions of the community in the widest sense.

What will be done:

You will complete one of a series of surveys, which will take 15-20 minutes to complete. The survey may include questions about

• your own experience of arrangements made following a death
• your opinions on historical practices or those of different cultures
• your thoughts on ‘ideal’ funerary practices
• your ideas about what specific customs might mean
• your ideas about what happens when we die

I may also ask for some demographic information (e.g. age, gender, religious belief) so that I can consider whether, for example, the insights of women are different from those of men, or whether age has an influence on ideas about death).

Benefits of this Study:

You will be contributing to knowledge about how death is currently understood in Britain, and about the arrangements that ordinary families make in times of bereavement. 

Risks or discomforts:

No risks or discomforts are anticipated from taking part in this study. If you feel uncomfortable with a question, you can skip that question. Your participation is greatly valued but is completely voluntary.

Confidentiality:

Your responses will be kept completely confidential. I will not know your IP address when you respond to an online survey.  I will only have access to your email address or other contact details should you choose to enter them in response to an invitation to participate in a follow up interview.  If you do provide contact details these will only be used by the researcher and will not be disclosed to any third party.

The survey does not ask you to provide your name, and should any comments that you make be published in research papers you will be identified by a participant number only.

How the findings will be used:

The results of the study will be used for scholarly purposes only. The results from the study will be presented in educational settings and at professional conferences, and the results might be published in a professional journal.

Contact information:

If you have concerns or questions about this study, please contact Judith Simpson at sdjms@leeds.ac.uk or one of the project supervisors, Professor Efrat Tsëelon (e.tseelon@leeds.ac.uk) or Dr Judith Tucker (j.a.tucker@leeds.ac.uk).

By beginning the survey, you acknowledge that you have read this information and agree to participate in this research, with the knowledge that you are free to withdraw your participation at any time

Eric Idle’s eulogy to George Harrison at the memorial event at the Hollywood Bowl:

When they told me they were going to induct my friend George Harrison into the Hollywood Bowl Hall of Fame posthumously: my first thought was – I bet he won’t show up.

Because, unlike some others one might mention – but won’t – he really wasn’t in to honors.

He was one of those odd people who believe that life is somehow more important than show business.

Which I know is a heresy here in Hollywood, and I’m sorry to bring it up here in the very Bowel of Hollywood but I can hear his voice saying “oh very nice, very useful, a posthumous award – where am I supposed to put it? What’s next for me then? A posthumous Grammy? An ex-Knighthood? An After-Lifetime Achievement Award?

He’s going to need a whole new shelf up there.

So: posthumously inducted – sounds rather unpleasant: sounds like some kind of after-life enema.

But Induct – in case you are wondering – comes from the word induce – meaning to bring on labor by the use of drugs.

And Posthumous is actually from the Latin post meaning after and hummus meaning Greek food.

So I like to think that George is still out there somewhere – pregnant and breaking plates at a Greek restaurant.

I think he would prefer to be inducted posthumorously because he loved comedians – poor sick sad deranged lovable puppies that we are – because they – like him – had the ability to say the wrong thing at the right time – which is what we call humor.

He put Monty Python on here at The Hollywood Bowl, and he paid for the movie The Life of Brian, because he wanted to see it.

Still the most anybody has ever paid for a Cinema ticket.

His life was filled with laughter and even his death was filled with laughter… In the hospital he asked the nurses to put fish and chips in his IV.

The doctor – thinking he was delusional – said to his son “don’t worry, we have a medical name for this condition.”

Yes said Dahni “humor.”

And I’m particularly sorry Dahni isn’t here tonight – because I wanted to introduce him by saying “Here comes the son” – but sadly that opportunity for a truly bad joke has gone, as has Dahni’s Christmas present from me.

George once said to me “if we’d known we were going to be The Beatles we’d have tried harder.”

What made George special – apart from his being the best guitarist in the Beatles – was what he did with his life after they achieved everything.

He realized that this fame business was – and I’ll use the technical philosophical term here – complete bullshit.

And he turned to find beauty and truth and meaning in life – and more extraordinarily – found it.

This is from his book I Me Mine:

“The things that most people are struggling for is fame or fortune or wealth or position – and really none of that is important because in the end death will take it all away. So you spend your life struggling for something, which is in effect a waste of time… I mean I don’t want to be lying there as I’m dying thinking ‘oh shit I forgot to put the cat out.’”

And he wasn’t. He passed away – here in LA – with beauty and dignity surrounded by people he loved.

Because he had an extraordinary capacity for friendship.

People loved him all over the planet.

George was in fact a moral philosopher: his life was all about a search for truth, and preparing himself for death.

Which is a bit weird for someone in rock and roll. They’re not supposed to be that smart. They’re supposed to be out there looking for Sharon. Not the meaning of life.

Michael Palin said George’s passing was really sad but it does make the afterlife seem much more attractive.

He was a gardener – he grew beauty in everything he did – in his life, in his music, in his marriage and as a father.

I was on an island somewhere when a man came up to him and said “George Harrison, oh my god, what are you doing here?” – and he said “Well everyone’s got to be somewhere.”

Well alas he isn’t here. But we are. And that’s the point. This isn’t for him. This is for us, because we want to honor him. We want to remember him, we want to say Thanks George for being. And we really miss you. So lets take a look at some of the places he got to in his life.

Video montage is shown of George Harrison’s life, from youthful Beatle to mature solo artist.

Well he’s still not here. But we do have someone very special who was very dear to him – who is here. The first man to perform with the Beatles. The one and only Billy Preston.

Billy Preston and a chorus of vocalists sing Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord.”

Thank you Billy Preston.

So this is the big drag about posthumous awards: there’s no one to give ‘em to.

So I’m gonna keep this and put it next to the one I got last year. No, I’m going to give it to the love of his life, his dark sweet lady, dear wonderful Olivia Harrison, who is with us here tonight. Liv, you truly know what it is to be without him.

Thank you Hollywood Bowl you do good to honor him. Goodnight.

The sun is sinking low
into the Mississippi.
The shadow of death
darkens the valley.
I have run,
as far as I can.
My days are done.
Oh come angel band.

I can hear the hills callin out my name.
Goin’ up to heaven for to stake my claim.
Call me my thunder ,
Call me my whisperin’ pines
“I have seen proof of God and I don’t mind dyin’”
I have the keys to the kingdom
Greater passage to the road paved with gold.
I have the keys to the kingdom
I have for fathers singin’ songs of old.

Going up the moutain
deep into the care.
ride the mighty elephant
into the oceans wave,
see that bolt of lightning jump from cloud to cloud.
hear that roll of thunder call my name out loud.

I can hear the hills callin’ out my name.
Going up to heaven for to stake my claim.
Call me my thunder
call me my whisperin’ pines
I have seen through not? forgotten
and I don’t mine dying.
I have the keys to the kingdom.
Granted passage to road paved of gold.
I have the keys to the kingdom
I have for fathers tellin’ tales of old.

Rest easy partner
your troubles shall now cease.
Rest easy partner
may you rest in peace.

Rest in peace

I can hear the hills callin’ out my name.
Going up to heaven for to stake my claim
call me my Thunder
call me my Whisperin’ pines.
“I have seen proof of God and I don’t mind dyin’”.

The Old Shepherd’s Chief Mourner by Sir Edwin Landseer 

ObituariesToday.com is national obituary service, with funeral home listings, pre-planning information, a resource section for funeral information, as well as obituaries and memorial announcements. In other words it’s one of those online memorial websites. There are lots and lots of them. 

If you want to find the page on ObituariesToday which commemorates, shall we say, David Victor Regier, you go straight to it by clicking this link — here. 

Yes, whoops.

We can’t find out what’s happened to Obituariestoday.com. It looks as if it might have gone down with all decedents and everybody’s memories of them. It wouldn’t be the first online memorial site to have suffered this fate.

Caveat online memorialiser bigtime.

Here at the GFG we only endorse (and hugely admire) MuchLoved.com

The first time ever I saw your face 

I thought the sun rose in your eyes 
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave 
To the dark and the empty skies, my love, 
To the dark and the empty skies. 

The first time ever I kissed your mouth 
And felt your heart beat close to mine 
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird 
That was there at my command, my love 
That was there at my command. 

And the first time ever I lay with you 
I felt your heart so close to mine 
And I knew our joy would fill the earth 
And last till the end of time my love 
It would last till the end of time my love 

The first time ever I saw your face, your face, 
your face, your face 

All Our Days Were a Joy — painting by David Inshaw

Jeremy Irons as Pope Alexander VI

By our religious correspondent, Richard Rawlinson

TV mini-series The Borgias stars Jeremy Irons as Renaissance Pope Alexander VI, nee Roderigo Borgia. Created by Neil Jordan of The Tudors fame, is a lavish period piece (winning this year’s Emmy for Best Costume) and is packed with racy plotlines involving power struggles, sex, assassinations and sibling rivalries.

As the portraits above and below reveal, the casting of Irons involved a degree of artistic license. The Venetian ambassador reported that Rodrigo Borgia’s corpse was “the ugliest, most monstrous and horrible dead body that was ever seen, without any form or likeness of humanity.”

After a week of intestinal bleeding and convulsive fevers, he died in 1503 at the age of 72. The swollen body began to release sulfurous gasses from every orifice, according to reports, and someone had to jump on the body to jam it into the undersized coffin.

Master of Ceremonies Johann Burchard elaborated: ‘The face was very dark, the color of a dirty rag or a mulberry, and was covered all over with bruise-colored marks. The nose was swollen; the tongue had bent over in the mouth, completely double, and was pushing out the lips which were, themselves, swollen. The mouth was open and so ghastly that people who saw it said they had never seen anything like it before.’

                                     Pope Alexander VI

Some glad morning when this life is o’er,
I’ll fly away;
To a home on God’s celestial shore,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

[Chorus]
I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

When the shadows of this life have gone,
I’ll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away)

[Chorus]
I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

Just a few more weary days and then,
I’ll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away)

[Chorus]
I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).