The Good Funeral Guide Blog

Leslie Sarony – Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead

Friday, 8 June 2012


 

Lately there’s nothing but trouble, grief and strife.
There’s not much attraction about this bloomin’ life.
Last night I dreamt I was bloomin’ well dead.
As I went to the funeral, I bloomin’ well said:

Look at the flowers, bloomin’ great orchids.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
And look at the corfin, bloomin’ great ‘andles.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

I felt so ‘appy to think that I’d popped off.
I said to a bloke with a nasty, ‘acking cough:

Look at the black ‘earse, bloomin’ great ‘orses.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
Look at the bearers, all in their frock coats.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
And look at their top ‘ats, polished with Guinness.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

Some people there were praying for me soul.
I said, “It’s the first time I’ve been off the dole.”

Look at the mourners, bloomin’ well sozzled.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

Look at the children, bloomin’ excited.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
Look at the neighbours, bloomin’ delighted.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

“Spend the insurance,” I murmured, “for — Alack! —
You know that I shan’t be with you going back.”

Look at the Missus, bloomin’ well laughin’.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

Look at me Sister, bloomin new ‘at on.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
And look at me Brother, bloomin’ cigar on.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

We come from clay and we all go back they say.
So don’t aim a brick — it might be your Auntie May.

Look at me Grandma, bloomin’ old hay-bag.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

6 comments on “Leslie Sarony – Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead

  1. Tuesday 13th November 2012 at 10:49 am

    […] Stats produced by the International Longevity Centre UK, reported in the Sunday Times, may induce in some a sentiment which chimes with that of Leslie Sarony in his song, Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead. […]

  2. ANNE

    Friday 12th October 2012 at 9:13 pm

    PRICELESS!!

  3. Rod

    Thursday 19th July 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Classic, Guaranteed to raise a giggle every time. Thanks y’all.

  4. Thursday 14th June 2012 at 8:29 pm

    […] Leslie Sarony – Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. […]

  5. Lyra Mollington

    Monday 11th June 2012 at 10:36 am

    Oh yes Charles – there are few areas of life that have changed so little.

  6. Sunday 10th June 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Priceless. Thank you very much, Mrs Mollington. There’s so much of this song that has withstood, easily, the test of time, don’t you think?

    • Phil Day

      Saturday 22nd August 2015 at 6:48 pm

      I first heard this wonderfully dark humoured song on the much missed Danny Baker show on BBC Radio London. Tickles me pink every time!

  7. Lyra Mollington

    Sunday 10th June 2012 at 12:32 pm

    And when the record is turned over, the lyrics continue…
    Where oh where has our Leslie gone? Oh where oh where can he be?
    He promised to be on the other side – ha ha, ho ho, he he…
    I’ve got me eye on you –
    You’re the blokes who told me to learn to play the bloomin’ harp…
    I haven’t played a bloomin’ note since I bin here.
    Look at the florists counting their profits
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Look at the lawyers reading the will out
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Taxes and rent, I’ll have no need to pay
    I’ve dodged ‘em for bloomin’ well snuffing it – hooray!
    Look at the landlord – bloomin’ old Shylock
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Look at the bulldog – bloomin’ well barking
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Look at the tomcat – bloomin’ well flirting
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    People said he was so good to the poor
    I said as I thought what they called me before
    Look at the sexton – bloomin’ great shovel
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Look at me school mates – bloomin’ well giggling
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Look at the earth worms – bloomin’ well wriggling
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    All my old chinas I saw them standing round
    I said as they slowly lowered me in the ground
    ‘Look at the tombstones – granite with knobs on
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?’
    Now it’s all over, look at them all scarperin’
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Look at the weather – bloomin’ well raining
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?
    Then I awoke with a really shocking start
    I found me in bed with the missus of me heart
    I got the milk in – baby was screaming
    Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?

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