Leslie Sarony – Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead

Charles Cowling


 

Lately there’s nothing but trouble, grief and strife.
There’s not much attraction about this bloomin’ life.
Last night I dreamt I was bloomin’ well dead.
As I went to the funeral, I bloomin’ well said:

Look at the flowers, bloomin’ great orchids.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
And look at the corfin, bloomin’ great ‘andles.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

I felt so ‘appy to think that I’d popped off.
I said to a bloke with a nasty, ‘acking cough:

Look at the black ‘earse, bloomin’ great ‘orses.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
Look at the bearers, all in their frock coats.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
And look at their top ‘ats, polished with Guinness.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

Some people there were praying for me soul.
I said, “It’s the first time I’ve been off the dole.”

Look at the mourners, bloomin’ well sozzled.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

Look at the children, bloomin’ excited.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
Look at the neighbours, bloomin’ delighted.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

“Spend the insurance,” I murmured, “for — Alack! —
You know that I shan’t be with you going back.”

Look at the Missus, bloomin’ well laughin’.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

Look at me Sister, bloomin new ‘at on.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!
And look at me Brother, bloomin’ cigar on.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

We come from clay and we all go back they say.
So don’t aim a brick — it might be your Auntie May.

Look at me Grandma, bloomin’ old hay-bag.
Ain’t it grand, to be bloomin’ well dead!

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[…] Stats produced by the International Longevity Centre UK, reported in the Sunday Times, may induce in some a sentiment which chimes with that of Leslie Sarony in his song, Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead. […]

ANNE
ANNE
8 years ago

PRICELESS!!

Rod
Rod
8 years ago

Classic, Guaranteed to raise a giggle every time. Thanks y’all.

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[…] Leslie Sarony – Ain’t It Grand To Be Blooming Well Dead Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. […]

Lyra Mollington
Lyra Mollington
8 years ago

Oh yes Charles – there are few areas of life that have changed so little.

Phil Day
Phil Day
5 years ago
Reply to  charles

I first heard this wonderfully dark humoured song on the much missed Danny Baker show on BBC Radio London. Tickles me pink every time!

Lyra Mollington
Lyra Mollington
8 years ago

And when the record is turned over, the lyrics continue… Where oh where has our Leslie gone? Oh where oh where can he be? He promised to be on the other side – ha ha, ho ho, he he… I’ve got me eye on you – You’re the blokes who told me to learn to play the bloomin’ harp… I haven’t played a bloomin’ note since I bin here. Look at the florists counting their profits Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead? Look at the lawyers reading the will out Ain’t it grand to be bloomin’ well dead?… Read more »