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Hmm I think it would have been more convincing if the funeral director had shaken off his black attire for the day and replaced it with a Goofy outfit. Still, I guess they have to maintain a certain level of je ne sais quoi!
Totally depends on what the family wanted him to do!
I was struck by the contrast and wondered if anyone else would be, too. I wonder if the funeral director consulted the family. There can be such a gulf fixed between the attire of a funeral director and that of the mourners that I sometimes think the funeral director looks absurdly anomalous and anachronistic. Having said which, let me declare an ineradicable prejudice: this walking in front of a car business rarely excites my admiration. That nice FD Michael Gamble in Stroud recently did a Glastonbury-themed funeral in full fig and wellies. I thought he carried that off extremely well,… Read more »
just for a fleeting short sighted moment I thought the conductor had the Mickie ears on ….. then realised it was ‘behind you’ …sigh
I don’t know why, but this image makes me uncomfortable. I agree it is anachronistic. But.. A short walk in front of the hearse – in my case just for a few yards as we leave a home address, serves a practical purpose. It gives any following cars a few minutes to start up and join the cortège. It gives me a chance to see who’s intending to follow and what car they are driving. Having done that, I can more easily make sure we don’t lose them en route! On arrival at the crematorium I hop out and walk… Read more »
Its worth pointing out, I think, that for some families the walk and the formal dress are very important. They bring a sense of occasion and gravitas to the situation that are very important. Keith once did a funeral (many years ago and in a different incarnation) where the family were adamant that they did not want anyone wearing formal clothes. Bright colours and jeans were the order of the day. So Keith said, in effect, fine…would you like me to wear jeans as well? The reply was ‘good heavens no, you’re the funeral diector, we want you to wear… Read more »
When I posted this I did not expect any comments. Whatever their feelings about the pseudo-Victorian funeral (possibly a pejorative term?), most people who comment on the blog agree, I think, Jenny, that the considered and right view of almost all funeral customs is one of liberal-minded ambivalence. Whatever our position, we do not assume the right to legislate for others. For that reason there can be no right and no wrong about whether Mickey Mouse outfits are okay — though it would be a hard-hearted person who asserted that it can’t have been meaningful for the family members who… Read more »
Upstage, probably. Do mourners think about that, and if so, do they care? In my (uneducated in these matters) opinion, people are content to take the back seat for two brief moments during the cortege while the funeral director does his walk. If they weren’t then surely they would opt out of the walking business, or have a family member or friend do it instead? From another angle the bereaved might link traditional ceremony with an appropriate send-off…This is an interesting point you’ve made Charles, I need to give it some proper thought!
send-off *and therefore do not consider other options.
Hi, Charles All comments in the spirit of discussion only, I assure you! I think the answer to all your questions is ‘it depends’ It depends on who the funeral is for, how they perceive what is going on and their way of interacting with the ritual. Purely for the sake of playing Devil’s advocate (me, I hear you cry, surely not!)Here is an example from my own experience of what looks like pomposity and arrogance from one angle looks totally different from another. Around 15 years ago my grandmother died at the age of 92. At this time, you… Read more »
Jenny – your story makes me consider giving up being a funeral director. Not because I make glib comments, but because I fear I might say something, anything inappropriate or memorable. A few months ago my son informed me that a family who had just arranged a burial with me, thought I had been too cheerful. I spent hours and days reconstructing the hour or so we spent together in minute detail. For the life of me, I couldn’t see what I might have said or done that they felt was inappropriate. Unfortunately I will never know. They did strike… Read more »
I take your point entirely, and of course it is impossible to always get it right since we are not psychic. I am not generally easily offended and to this day I could not explain to you why that comment affected me in the way it did. I was certainly not thinking particularly rationally, and it is not a statement that would normally bother me. I was feeling very protective and defensive of my Nan and that may well have had an effect on my reaction. It just makes me aware that things I may say without much thought, both… Read more »
Instinctively I ALWAYS avoid commenting on the weather! Unless the client does. And you would be amazed how often they do, rain or shine.
One of my teachers, (possibly more than one) told me I would never amount to anything, never achieve anything. I think this was of tremendous benefit. I believe they saw my potential and felt I was hell-bent on wasting it. Most of my teachers couldn’t reach me at all. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to the few that did.
I spoke to one of my A level students a few years after she left. She told me very proudly that she still read philosophy books, and that when she did, the voice she heard in her head was mine. I can’t tell you what an effect that had on me!
Matthew 5:54 He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Everybody always misses off the second half So sun or rain – it falls on the righteous and the unrighteous!!! Hopefully that might help Jenny even after all this time – the FD was thinking it was a comforting (mindless) quote – he was a twit. David – I’m sure you did everything right, some families do look for a scapegoat for their own dysfunction – it’s easier to criticise the person who has left the room… Read more »