The Good Funeral Guide

“I was just thinking about my funeral and stuff a couple days ago and thinking who would be at the funeral. People who I want to be in the funeral? I wanna have world leaders that were, like, affected, that said, you know, ‘Kanye gave me my shot here.’”

Kanye West

As you may have guessed, we are pretty short of stuff to say here at the GFG. The old year is waning and you’re distracted by getting ready for Christmas. We are all winding down. 

All except him, of course.

We’ll do our best to bring you news and views as they happen, but don’t expect the usual torrent. 

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

Dear Abby: “Saddened in New Jersey” (Oct. 2) complained that her sister’s 4-year-old daughter put stickers on the hands and face of her deceased grandmother during her wake.

Find out what Abby said next here. 

“But our machines have now been running 70 or 80 years, and we must expect that, worn as they are, here a pivot, there a wheel, now a pinion, next a spring, will be giving way; and however we may tinker them up for a while, all will at length surcease motion.”

Thomas Jefferson, 1814

To undertakers throughout the land who  have not yet made contingency plans for the awful weather waiting to besiege us after Christmas: get yer skates on! 

Hat-tip to Richard Rawlinson for this priceless pic. 

How’s it going with the Christmas shopping? Look, with time running out, it’s time to get going.

Here at the GFG-Batesville Tower we like to support our own — the people who share our values. There are precious few of these in the high street for, verily, they are a precious few. 

One of the precious few is Yuli Somme of Bellacouche. She is a felt maker, originator of the wonderful LeafShroud and Leafcocoon, burial shrouds for adults and chidren respectively. In addition to being an incredibly nice person she also signs up to values that most of us can only aspire to – wistfully. She is committed to: support local wool producers and pay a fair price; source organically whenever practical and possible; use rare breed fleece when practical; compost all waste after recycling options have been achieved; use local processors and related businesses to limit wool miles; offer commitment and integrity towards customers; enjoy my work. 

Yuli makes a range of felt products, all of which would make really good Christmas presents. Here are some:

Decorative mobile. Fits into a greetings card. £5.50

Woolsack Minikit. All you need to make this felt necklace. £8.00

Felt insoles. Great for walkers – and snowbound undertakers. £6.00 pr, 3 for £15.00

Oven gloves with a choice of motifs. £25.00

Tea cosy, chicken or dog. £45.00

Tuffet. ‘Three layers of lovely thick felt form a cushioning and insulating mat between you and a hard chair, damp grass, or other place you choose to sit.’ £30.00

Order online direct from Yuli. Pay by PayPal. Couldn’t be easier. Astound your friends and loved ones with your good taste and originality. Find Yuli’s website here. 

All photographs copyright Yuli Somme. 

“I started taking better care of myself once I learned how expensive funerals are.”

Source

The Revd Paul Sinclair, proprietor of Motorcycle Funerals, occupies, in the unanimous opinion of all who toil round the clock here at the GFG-Batesville Tower, the status of national treasure. He’s a thoroughly good egg, a lovely man.

At weekends, when crem chimneys grow cold, Paul and his wife Marian like to travel the country preaching the gospel. Paul had his own church back in the day, in Willesden, a part of London through which Olympic VIPs are unlikely to be conveyed. He was extremely successful in building the congregation and securing the fabric of his church. He also achieved local fame for the posters he displayed outside his church. This is our favourite:

You can buy a copy of Paul’s book, Now Open Sundays, a selection of his best posters plus lots of good stories, here.

But you’re dying to hear him preach. Here he is. You’ll enjoy his storytelling skills, his humour and his reflections on the funeral trade. “Wouldn’t you just love this, when it comes to your funeral, if we didn’t have to tell lies about you?” “Have you ever been to a funeral and thought you went to the wrong one?”

Listen away…

The Reputation Trap by Paul and Marian Sinclair