The Good Funeral Guide

Here’s a good funeral song… except for the line ‘I want to feel your fire burning’, perhaps. 

More on Katie Herzig here.

I, I want to wish you well
I didn’t watch you go
Cause I suppose I don’t know how
I, I will remember you
Not the way you left but how you lived
And what you knew

I, I want to feel your hands
I want to feel your fire burning
Right from where I stand

I’ll find my way
Cause you showed me how

I, I want toknow it’s you
When I hear your voice inside my head
Inside my room
I, want to touch the sky
I want to see the stars twinkle
Like they were your eyes

I’ll find my way
You showed me
I’ll find my way
Cause you showed me how

I, I want to smell your scent
I want to breathe the air I did before
Before you left

I, I want to wish you well
The only reason my heart beats
Is cause you showed it how

I’ll find my way
You show me
I’ll find my way
You show me
I’ll find my way
Cause you showed me how
You show me how
You showed me how

I first heard this song, fresh from the recording studio, when I was doing the newsletter for my local hospice. Billy Bragg had been working with some of the patients, and he’d just put one of the patients’ words to music. The song was called We Laughed. I blubbed.

The patient was Maxine Edgington, an inhabitant of the most beautiful island in the world, and the song was written for her daughter, 16 year-old Jessica. Maxine had breast cancer, and she died in September 2006. You see Maxine in the video, at the start, walking at the Bill, and later with Jessica. And that’s Maxine introducing her song. The singer is Helena. 

Still makes me blub.

What sort of a person was Maxine? On the Jeremy Vine show, she said: I just realised that dying was not actually about me, it was about those around me; it was about their feelings, it was about their comfort, it was about their coping, their knowing that I loved them, and it was leaving nothing unsaid. 

Remember swimming with the dolphin off Portland Bill
You when Buster as a puppy – I can see it still
We laughed, we laughed

We went girl racing in my brand new car
Watched soppy girly movies at the cinema
We laughed, we laughed
And we laughed
Though the hardest part of living
Is giving up what has been given
And you know no-one could love you more
Whatever the future has in store
I want you to remember that we laughed

When I dance to modern music you split your sides
Your ballet dancing medal filled me with pride
We laughed, we laughed
We were happier together than with our friends
We never believed that these days would end
We laughed, we laughed
We laughed
Though the hardest part of living
Is giving up what has been given
We laughed
And you know no-one could love you more
Whatever the future has in store
I want you to remember that we laughed

You always want to borrow my shoes
You nicked my make-up – it looked so good on you
We laughed, we laughed
And when I see how beautiful you are
I’m thrilled you turned out such a star
We laughed, we laughed
And we laughed
Though the hardest part of living
Is giving up what has been given
And you know no-one could love you more
Whatever the future has in store
I want you to remember that we laughed

Some things don’t turn out as planned
I give you to our father’s hand
I want you to remember that we laughed

[Maxine Edgington, Billy Bragg, Rosetta Life 2005]

Siegfried’s funeral march from Götterdämerung spellbindingly conducted by Klaus Tennstedt. Warning: not suitable for modest, self-effacing dead people.

At the end of a day when we have considered the plight of old people in an age-revolted, death-denying culture, let’s celebrate the resurrection of Engelbert Humperdinck. The song above would make a great funeral song; the one below wouldn’t.

The days of autumn splendor
Those moments, warm and tender
Was it too beautiful to last
The love we share together
The dreams we dare together
Was it too beautiful to last

Walking hand in hand
The dawn discloses
We were dreaming of a land
Where love preposes
But castles made of sand
Like winter roses are fated to die
My darlin’, like you and I
My darlin’

Where are those sweet Septembers
The joy my heart remembers
Lost in the shadows of the past
The rainbow watched above you
The sacred words “I love you”
Why did that dream go by so fast
Was it too beautiful
Was it too beautiful to last

Posted by Vale

Across the evening sky, all the birds are leaving
But how can they know it’s time for them to go?
Before the winter fire, I will still be dreaming
I have no thought of time

For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?

Sad, deserted shore, your fickle friends are leaving
Ah, but then you know it’s time for them to go
But I will still be here, I have no thought of leaving
I do not count the time

For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?

And I am not alone while my love is near me
I know it will be so until it’s time to go
So come the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again
I have no fear of time

For who knows how my love grows?
And who knows where the time goes?

Music critic Nick Coleman (more here) wants this at his funeral. 

Your tears are much heavier these days
I’ve seen them coming in like waves
From the ocean, I’ve seen them coming
From the ocean, I’ve seen them growing
And moving with the water

The rocking is getting more severe
They’ll sail with you anywhere
We will make it
A little further
Don’t you worry
We’re almost there

You and me
Oh we’ll be
Here always here
You and me

Your tears are much heavier these days
I’ve seen them coming in like waves
From the ocean, I’ve seen them coming
From the ocean, I’ve seen them growing
And moving with the water
And moving with the water

You and me
Oh we’ll be
Here always here
You and me
Oh we’ll be
Here always here
You and me
Oh we’ll be here

Sung at the memorial for the families of the victims of the July 22nd massacre in Norway last year.

Recommended by Jehdeiah, whom we thank. 

Hat tip to Gloria Mundi for this, who adds: “I’d say: Not one for those who think that celebrating a life means skating over grief. Health warning: this song can hurt.”

Oh, young fellows, do take warning
While you this tale I tell
I tell it from a heart that’s sad and sore

Come and learn from me a lesson
As I have learned it well
From the crepe upon the little cabin door

Oh, I left my home and kindred
And those who loved me well
It broke my mother’s heart, the life I led

Then, from her there came a letter
To say she wished me well
Now I tell to you the pleading words I read

“I’m getting old and feeble
My hair will soon be grey
And every day I’m waiting at the door

Oh, my boy, come home to see me
Before I go away
Oh, I fear I’ll never see you anymore”

But I did not heed the warning
I’d hear it day by day
Just wasting time on women, wine and song

But this kind of sinful pleasure
Lasts only for a day
And the sorrows of repentance last so long

Then at last I journied homeward
And as I climbed the hill
I thought to see my mother’s face once more

But as I passed through the gateway
My aching heart stood still
There was crepe upon the little cabin door

Oh, young fellows, do take warning
You’ve heard this tale I tell
You’ve heard it from a heart that’s sad and sore

Come and learn from me a lesson
As I have learned it well
From the crepe upon the little cabin door

Thompson / Guernsey, sung by Vernon Dalhart, 1928