The Good Funeral Guide

The Natural Death Handbook, Fifth Edition

A thoroughly updated and revised edition of the Natural Death Centre‘s celebrated handbook. Now presented alongside a new collection of essays on death, dying and funeral practices by doctors, historians, authors, poets, theologians and artists including Richard Barnett, David Jay Brown, Dr Sheila Cassidy, Charles Cowling, Bill Drummond, Stephen Grasso, Maggi Hambling, Graham Harvey, Gary Lachman, Nick Reynolds, and Dignity in Dying.

It’s out in May 2012!

Nick Drake committed suicide in 1974 aged 26.

When the day is done
Down to earth then sinks the sun
Along with everything that was lost and won
When the day is done.

When the day is done
Hope so much your race will be all run
Then you find you jumped the gun
Have to go back where you begun
When the day is done.

When the night is cold
Some get by but some get old
Just to show life’s not made of gold
When the night is cold.

When the bird has flown
Got no-one to call your own
Got no place to call your home
When the bird has flown.

When the game’s been fought
Newspapers blow across the court
Lost matches sooner than you would have thought
Now the game’s been fought.

When the part is through
Seems so very sad for you
Didn’t do the things you meant to do
Now there’s no time to start anew
Now the part is through.

When the day is done
Down to earth then sinks the sun
Along with everything that was lost and won
When the day is done.

When will I see you again?
When will we share precious moments?
Will I have to wait forever?
Or will I have to suffer and cry the whole night through?

When will I see you again?
When will our hearts beat together?
Are we in love or just friends?
Is this my beginning or is this the end?
When will I see you again?
(When will I see you again?)
When will I see you again?

Are we in love or just friends?
Is this my beginning or is this the end?
When will I see you again?
(When will I see you again?)
When will I see you again?
(When will I see you again?)
When will I see you again?
(When will I see you again?)
When will I see you again?

Guardian commenter nomisd writes: “Mrs nomisd wants the drums from the Eastenders theme music as the curtains close…” [Source]

“The only time I have turned any request for a song down was the occasion I was asked to take a funeral for an elderly gentleman and they want to play “Relax” as he was brought in. I reckon I am about as liberal they come on some issues but even I could not maintain my dignity walking down the nave to such interesting lyrics.”

Clerical Guardian commenter Stiffkey here.

Posted by Vale

My son told me that this is one of the songs he’d like at his funeral. If you’re impatient the singing starts at about 1.45s in:

Of all the money e’er I had,
I spent it in good company.
And all the harm I’ve ever done,
Alas! it was to none but me.
And all I’ve done for want of wit
To mem’ry now I can’t recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all.

Oh, all the comrades e’er I had,
They’re sorry for my going away,
And all the sweethearts e’er I had,
They’d wish me one more day to stay,
But since it falls unto my lot,
That I should rise and you should not,
I gently rise and softly call,
Good night and joy be with you all.

If I had money enough to spend,
And leisure time to sit awhile,
There is a fair maid in this town,
That sorely has my heart beguiled.
Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips,
I own she has my heart in thrall,
Then fill to me the parting glass,
Good night and joy be with you all.

There have been lots of versions – but he wants the Pogues. He’d approve of Shane’s solo version here though.

Little Jimmy’s gone
Way out of the backstreet
Out of the window
Through the fallin’ rain
Right on time
Right on time
That’s why Broken Arrow
Waved his finger down the road so dark and narrow
In the evenin’
Just before the Sunday six-bells chime, six-bells chime
And all the dogs are barkin’
Way on down the diamond-studded highway where you wander
And you roam from your retreat and view
Way over on the railroad
Tomorrow all the tippin’ trucks will unload
Every scrapbook stuck will glue
And I’ll stand beside you
Beside you child
To never never never wonder why at all
No no no no no no no no
To never never wonder why at all
To never never never wonder why it’s gotta be
It has to be
Way across the country where the hillside mountain glide
The dynamo of your smile caressed the barefoot virgin child to wander
Past your window with a lantern lit
You held it in the doorway and you cast against the pointed island breeze
Said your time was open, go well on your merry way
Past the brazen footsteps of the silence easy
You breathe in you breathe out you breathe in you breathe out you breath in
You breathe out you breathe in you breathe out
And you’re high on your high-flyin’ cloud
Wrapped up in your magic shroud as ecstasy surrounds you
This time it’s found you
You turn around you turn around you turn around you turn around
And I’m beside you
Beside you
Oh darlin’
To never never wonder why at all
No no no no no
To never never never wonder why at all
To never never never wonder why it’s gotta be
It has to be
And I’m beside you
Beside you
Oh child
To never never wonder why at all
I’m beside you
Beside you
Beside you
Beside you
Oh child

We don’t know how often this is played at funerals. It is the concluding scene of Gotterdammerung with the voices taken out. It speaks of fire. Gotterdammerung is the last opera in Wagner’s Ring Cycle. You either love or hate Wagner, but you’ve got to admit that from 5 mins in it’s pretty good stuff for a farewell/committal.

The story is too complicated to give you here — look it up. Basically, this lass jumps on a fire and is immolated.

Here is a painting by young American artist Dana Schutz of Brunnhilde throwing herself on the pyre.

Don’t lose your soul as your eyes roll shut
Don’t worry, it will be over
Hold on though, you’re alone, I am there with you
That much at least I can promise

You know what’s to come to not accept this
Don’t lose your soul, you must fight for each breath
Don’t go quietly

Don’t cry out for God
Just breathe in and out
Don’t cry out for God
Just breathe in and out

We are but lambs to the slaughter now
I have no fear of death itself
So don’t try and save me and please, God, forsake me
I’ll suffer alone, I just want to be left

My soul has flown and I am what is left
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones

Sheffield born David J Roch’s day job is undertaking. He is “inspired by the imagery and words used in funerals, how they penetrate the layers of life and love.” 

Over by the wildwood
Hot summer night
We lay in the tall grass
til the mornin’ light
If I had my way I’d never
get the urge to roam
A young man serves his country
and an old man guards the home

Never gave a second thought
Never crossed my mind
What’s right and what’s not
I’m not the judgin’ kind
I could take the darkness oh
Storms in the skies
But we all got certain trials
burnin’ up inside

Don’t send me no distant salutations
or silly souvenirs from far away
Don’t leave me alone in the twilight
Twilight is the loneliest time o’ day

Don’t put me in a frame upon the mantel
‘Fore memories turn dusty old and grey
Don’t leave me alone in the twilight
Twilight is the loneliest time a day