The Good Funeral Guide Blog

No more faking it

Thursday, 22 November 2012

 

A fine feminist manifesto here from Grace Mutandwa in the Zimbabwe Standard:

A group of my female friends are tired of being stuck in the house during funerals while their boys hang out at the shops and do fun things.

The girls want to know why it is cool for the boys to visit the local bottle store and swap war stories while the girls alternate between cooking, serving food and wailing like banshees. And they do not want the usual spiel about tradition this or tradition that!

Why is it all cool and dandy for the guys to stroll around in controlled emotion while women are expected to wail in show of pain and grief?

If a woman does not cry, she is labelled cold or a witch. And if tradition is so important, why is it that men who lose wives can remarry as soon as they can no longer bear living without a moving cooking, laundry and cuddling machine while women are expected to grieve for a year?

Is it really necessary to have a bunch of women thrashing about in feigned grief while the men get on with their lives?

Why do widows have to be stuck at the head of the corpse, but when a woman dies the husband gets to sit outside with his buddies? For all we know the reason why most men quickly remarry might be because while all the women are stuck in the house wailing, the widowed man and his buddies are busy going through their little black books trying to hook up the “grieving” hubby with some hot mama!

I get grief, but what I do not get is the need for whole extended families to hurl themselves into group mourning therapy even when they hated the guts of the dead relative.

Wouldn’t life be easier if we were a bit more honest? I am not saying that you should insult someone or say nasty things about the dead, but do we really have to lie? If someone is dead, they are dead — period!

There are films that bring tears to my eyes but I really find it difficult to cry at every funeral I attend. If I am not close to the person, I just feel faking it is the worst thing I could do at someone’s funeral. I get faking orgasms — many women play that card once-in-a-while (and it is a humane act, it protects men’s egos) — but faking tears is really beyond me.

When the husband dies, the tears might represent real grief or great relief and pure joy that they are free at last!

I am a ruddy realist and will be the first one to face up to the simple fact that by the time one spouse dies, most couples will have been transformed into two strangers sharing bills and helping each other raise children. So if you catch my drift — it really would be hard to shed tears for a stranger, even one that you occasionally shared body heat with.

I know apart from pretending to be a nice person, we sometimes have this uncontrollable urge to attend a particular funeral just to make sure the person is really dead.

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One comment on “No more faking it

  1. Friday 23rd November 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Great stuff – thank you brave Grace Mutandwa.

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