Charles Cowling

As the old year subsides into a snowdrift, readers will have observed that this blog has been doing the same. There’s not much going on.

Forgive me, then, for getting out my baseball bat and once more shattering the kneecaps of the Co-op. Yes, it’s boring. But Ebenezer Google and his tribe of scribbling Cratchits notice. And then they push the GFG higher up page one of their online organ for anyone seeking to discover if the Co-op is the undertaker for them. It’s what my webman, an excellent fellow who never looks more fetching than when wearing his bespoke anorak, calls an SEO thing.

This is good news for independent funeral directors everywhere.

Mandy Ten Wolde of Somersham in Huntingdonshire engaged JH Landin and Son of Chatteris to look after arrangements for the funeral of her mother. JH Landin and Son is not, as you have already guessed, the premises of JH Landin and his son. No, it is an outpost of Anglia Co-op.

When Ms Ten Wolde asked if she could come and see her mother, the artist formerly known as JH Landin and Son said, she alleges, that she was welcome to do so provided she brought £2600 with her. She baulked, and they settled on £300. Once inside the ‘chapel of rest’ Ms  Ten Wolde was appalled to see marks on the face and body of her mum resulting from the post mortem examination. She is quoted in the Hunts Post as saying: “It was horrendous. We all sat there with our mouths open. We were so distressed. I’m hoping they will not put anyone else through this.”

Things went from bad to worse. At the funeral itself, Fenland Crematorium played the wrong music. Of course, no blame attaches to Anglia Co-op for this.

Fenland Crematorium is run by Dignity Caring Funeral Services.

Our condolences and sympathy go to Mandy Ten Wolde, her family and friends, whose distress we can only begin to imagine.

No link to the Hunts Post available as yet. I’ll post it if they put the story online.

Hat-tip to Andrew Hickson of Kingfisher Funerals, St Neot’s, for this story.

6 thoughts on “Cock-up

  1. Charles Cowling
    charles

    By jingo, what wordwizardry, Mr Kingfisher! Hats off!

    Our growing google presence does make us reassuringly influential, doesn’t it? We’re getting through.


    Charles Cowling
  2. Charles Cowling
    Kingfisher

    It’s true … Google JH Landin and indeed the words “Cock Up” appear on page 1 near the top. It must be a real feeling of power Charles! Wishing everyone a tobac-co-op-pressed, lo-co-op-inionated, fias-co-op-timized, al fres-co-op-en fired and magnifi-co-op-en-minded Christmas and New Year.


    Charles Cowling
  3. Charles Cowling
    Jonathan

    In that case, a merry co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op co-op to all our readers everywhere!


    Charles Cowling
  4. Charles Cowling
    Charles Cowling

    Jonathan, you’ve got it! Yes, the more we utter the name the more damage we do. Co-op, Funeralcare, whatever. If you type a typical search term ‘Is co-op funeralcare any good?’ you get the GFG at an impressive #5 and #6 on page one. If you type in simply ‘co-op funeral’ you have to wait til page six. ‘Co-op undertaker’ is up to page one, though. We have infiltrated the troops of Midian by dint of serial outrage and clamorous disapprobation.


    Charles Cowling
  5. Charles Cowling
    Jonathan

    Co-op funerals? Do I gather that the more you repeat ‘Co-op’, or ‘Co-op Funeralcare’, or ‘Funeralcare’, or ‘Anglia Co-op’, the more this website about funerals, Co-op or otherwise, appears when people google funerals, Co-op or otherwise? You should have said, as I’m sure we’re all happy to Co-op erate by repeating Co-op as many times as possible – a pleasant distraction from beeing co-oped up and snowbound at home with one’s Dignity at risk, or reco-operating from the flu(neralcare).

    (But do spare us the sight of your webman’s organ).


    Charles Cowling

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*



You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>