The Good Funeral Guide Blog

Vast cars

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

What is this thing with undertakers and their hearses and limousines? Are we talking customer focus here, or idolatry? I really don’t know the answer—I mean that.

As the UN climate talks in Copenhagen reach their climax, and at a time when people are finding it more and more difficult to stump up the cost of a funeral, the People’s Undertaker in Coventry has just taken delivery of two Jaguar hearses and a limousine at around £90,000 each. What’s the depreciation on one of those? Ten grand a year?

I’m not sure that Darryl Smith, general manager of funerals at the Heart of England Co-op, knows what they are all about, either. But here’s his rationale: “This substantial level of investment clearly demonstrates the Society’s philosophy of being at the heart of the community as well our ongoing commitment to providing a first class service to our clients and offering them the ultimate in style and comfort.”

How bonkers is that? Or not bonkers, as the case may be? I am conflicted. Let’s try it for size. I go out and buy an inordinately expensive, fuel-hungry motorcar which will stretch the family budget no end and bugger up the climate bigtime, which is why everyone else is buying smaller, fuel-efficient cars. I drive home and issue this statement from, I don’t know, my doorstep, perhaps: “This substantial level of investment clearly demonstrates my philosophy of being at the heart of the community as well my ongoing commitment to providing a first class service to my good lady wife and her beautiful children, offering them the ultimate in style and comfort.”

You be the judge. My mind is entirely open. Does a nice motorcar a good funeral make? Two schools of thought, perhaps.

The photo at the top is of the headstone of a murdered member of the Lithuanian mafia, not a funeral director. Or is it the other way around? Sorry, I’ve lost the caption.

Do, please, take issue with me. At this very dull time of the year an honest blogger must lob a few extra chillis into the mix.

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